I'm so glad to have found this site, I wish I had had something like it years ago. I've had a hard time finding others with the same kind of anxiety I have. A bit about me I suppose? I'm nearly 27, engaged, live in New Zealand, and am a film-maker like pretty much everyone else in New Zealand.
I have a "severe" anxiety disorder and have had all my life, although throughout my life it has changed into moved into varying degrees of weirdness. For example as a child I would hallucinate at night, shake, have big anxiety attacks, and had terrible separation anxiety, much to the dismay of my poor mother.
That evolved into anxiety when something was, I suppose, beyond my control. Like on flights, if I were very ill, etc. Fairly random. But the last three years have been horrendous, I'll explain in a nutshell, maybe someone can relate?
I had several brushes with death in a row, some scarier than others. Firstly I got electrocuted by power lines; not that bad, but a fright. Then I nearly gassed myself to death with carbon monoxide by accident (resulting in hugest anx attack of life). Then I was in the enormous Christchurch earthquake in Feb '11 (Google it if you're wondering) which was horrifying. Then I developed a mystery abdominal illness. Then, lastly and worst of all, I had a car accident right outside my house. The brakes failed and yeah. I'd never had an accident before, I'm a very safe driver. I got a five week long concussion from it.
Anyway, all that was too much for my brain to handle. I totally lost the plot. I had massive anxiety attacks at least twice a day, and as far as I was concerned, everything was trying to kill me. I wouldn't drink tap water, eat with my hands, nothing could be clean and everything was potentially poisonous. No one could reassure me that anything was safe. I became super paranoid about loads of things. It sucked utterly. The world was full of imaginary danger that no one could convince me was safe. My senses got screwed up and everything started smelling and tasting poisonous.
I refused to take medication since I've had bad luck with brian pills in the past. I decided to fix it with therapy. Didn't really work. Nearly three years on I am much better, however, I spend nearly every day thinking that I might die, and though I've become a champ at choking back anxiety attacks, I am endlessly choking down fear of imaginary danger. I have a long list of phobias. Like, I've actually stopped being able to assess threat.
TLDR: I have anxiety that I am always dying, or everything is potentially harmful. It makes my life a bit *****. I can't assess threat anymore, it's like that part of my brain is broken. Anyone understand or am I alone in this? Also: Hi. :)