I'm just going to dump out how I really feel. I don't want to frustrate those who have been helping me out the past few days, and I don't expect them to repeat anything, I took it to heart no worries.
I've been sticking it out with my medication for three whole days. In these three days I'm sure feeling quite a bit of change. I'm not talkactive and fun like I usually am, I've lost interest in listening to music and working out, enjoying my hobbies. I'm not going to blame the medication but I'd like to point a finger at my own personal worries.
I find it crazy how the mind can alter and control you, but yet there's that part of your brain that wants to live that worry-free life. There's conflicts going on up there and it's forever to pinpoint it.
I struggle with the fact that this social anxiety I have is taking control of my life... and will continue to be there for the many years to come. Does it ever end? I doubt it. But I'm looking to take grasp of it and push past this overwhelming sense of agony. I'm playing things far more deeper than what it really is.
I shouldn't have to constantly worry that I'm going to run into that long lost friend who, for some reason, I feel is going to try and use me. I shouldn't have to hide my cellphone and take short distance drives to avoid being seen by the friends I used to spend time with, that I used to love to hang out with. Who's the one with the real issue? I'm the one avoiding them?
I want this to stop. Therapy sounds good. the medication treatment to help me through this battle sounds good..
but what happens when all of those come to a halt? will I be back to how I am before I ever started? It's hard to grasp that some day I could be living anxiety-free and overcome this to where not a single emotional trigger is pulled.
I'm going to stick it out. I want to finish my schooling, move out of this town I live in and maybe start a new life. leave this anxiety behind with it.
Thank you everyone for your support. Not one therapy session, nor one pill could be as effective than communicating and being around people who understand what you're going through.