New here - exacerbation of lifelong problem

[ankle]

Hello, I just actually registered for this board today and am excited as I have seen all the support it has provided to so many who have the same issues I have.  I am a man aged 37 and had my first memorable panic attack in my early teens.  I am catholic and was raised in a strict manner as such.  When puberty hit, so did panic and anxiety and it has accompanied me ever since.  The guilt I felt for having the feelings I had back then seemed to initiate my problems as I thought for sure these feelings and actions would damn me to hell.  I will say, however, that my mother has had very similiar issues throughout her life as well.  I am the last of a large family.  I was born a little more than a year before my father passed away at the age of 42.  He had suffered numerous heart attacks prior to that and back in those days, angioplasty and bypass were unheard of.  So I am sure my Mom had some serious anxiety issues while I was in the womb and I'm sure that that mixed with the genetic predisposition has helped make me the mess I am today.  Throughout high school and college I was a complete introvert having a bare minimum of friends and attending few social functions because of my anxiety.  I always felt that people could "see" my anxiety and the thought of this led me to immerse myself in my studies, so much so that my type A personality got me ranked number 3 in a program of 180 very competitive pharmacy school students.  After school my anxiety continued as I began to enter the workforce.  I didn't know how I would ever be able to focus on other's medications while I was suffering this eternal brainfog, anxiety and panic.  Through the years I saw a myriad of psychiatrists, psychologists and even spoke to clergy.  One tried to find the source of my anxiety and could not understand how my moral standards had conflicted with my intuitive drives.  Another would just take my hundred dollars for 20 minutes during which I would keep him updated on new medicines.  Finally, I made a friend with a doctor who prescribed me an SSRI which literally changed my life.  Gone were the obsessive thoughts and guilt.  I met a beautiful young woman who shared the same moral upbringing as myself. We have been married for over ten years and have a beautiful daughter.  Now, I come to the present.  It seems as though the last few months have set me back a decade.  My daughter was diagnosed as moderately autistic at the age of 3.  She has been in special schools since then and, although making progress, she will probably never be able to live independently.  My fear for her future leads me to a fear for that of my wife and myself as I love each of them so much, I worry what will happen if I am not around.  That being said, about four months ago my eyes started to act a little funny.  I have always needed glasses but never wore them and my eyes seemed to be working it all out for me.  Then, as I'm sitting at my computer, I get a feeling like a "whoosh" of anxiety go through my head and it's like my eyes can't keep up with my brain.  This happened on occasion for about a month either at work or home and immediately my anxiety told me, I must have a brain tumor!  With that I went to the eye doctor and he prescribed glasses.  At this point my anxiety would cause my jaw to tighten so that I was getting tension headaches.  I went to my doctor and he dismissed my brain tumor concerns and probably rightfully so as I am sure most of my symptoms are psychosomatic.  However, I cannot stop my obsession with this thought and with feeling my lymph nodes which, in my mind, feel swollen, but are probably not.  I now feel tension in my neck on a daily basis and headaches in just about every part of my cranium and neck.  I have an rx to get a ct scan but have not yet scheduled it.  I guess what I am trying to ask is if anyone here has ever had these symptoms?  Especially of concern are the strange feeling in my head/eye, situational dizziness and headaches and if they could be simply caused by anxiety.  Thanks so much for your help

[Kevin29UK]

Hi

All your symptoms can be caused by anxiety, i have had 14 months of similar symptoms, but my inital symptoms were related to an inner ear problem. One day i started feeling dizzy at work and then my balance went funny and all my problems started. My symptoms include headaches, tight band feeling around head, facial pain, cheekbones aching, chronic stiffness around back of head/neck, sore scalp, pains around top of the head, ear pressure, tingling in face area, many visionary symptoms including floaters, inability to focus on things for long peroids, eye pain, itchy eyes, watery eyes.

I think whats happened is my problems started out as a physical problem (inner ear disorder) which i had for about 8 months and then anxiety just took over so most of my symptoms now are related to anxiety and the fact i was straining all my muscles, especially in head and neck area when my balance was off. Its amazing how much you take your balance for granted, all of a sudden i couldnt stand up in a busy place cos i was scared i might fall over, its very hard to deal with. Im 29 and used to lead a very active lifestyle but the whole anxiety thing along with all the symptoms can seriously effect your life, well it has in my case.

I have seen 4 ENTS, a neurologist, had balance tests done, had MRI scan and nothing has ever really showed up. My problem is dealing with the anxiety, i have found this a real struggle and i am being referred to CBT therapist to help me.

Also its interesting you mentioned getting dizzy spells on the computer, i nearly quit my job in the first 5 months as i couldnt stare at the screen, im a designer and am on computers all day and with the dizzyness and headaches it became unbearable. But i have gotten used to this, but i talk from experience when i say being on computers is one of the worst things if you suffer from dizzyness, head pressure and headaches. Also sometimes my eyes cant cope with the screen, in fact most of my symptoms occur when im at work, so it can be a real stuggle!

I hope this helps.

Kev

[laa43]

Hi! Just wanted to say "welcome"  you are in good company. This forum is filled with many wonderful, kind, suppotive people!  We're glad you're here! Hang in there!   laa43

[firebird]

Hi ankle, i read your post. The symptoms you discribe could be symptoms of anxiety. headache, tight jaw etc....So you've been taking an AD for ten years now?

i know that ADs can pop off after 5-10 years due to tolerance issues...Have you been taking the same SSRI for ten years? Talk to your doctor about this...

greetz

[Oceanminded]

Welcome! Anxiety as you know can cause all types of symptoms. I had dizziness and headaches for months so bad that I was convinced it was a brain tumor. Once I got an MRI and was cleared the symptoms went away. Now my anxiety is more in my chest, breathing, pulse rate, etc. For me, I always need reassurance from Dr.'s, specialists, etc about my current complaints in order for me to improve. This is a major pain but sometimes its the only way i can get relief over certain symptoms. If you have good health insurance get some opinions just for your own peace of mind. It always helps me for awhile until a new symptom arises.

Cheers!!

[ankle]

Thanks so much for all the insight.  I am definitely going to get the ct scan my doctor wrote for just to be sure.  I just can't seem to break my thought cycle these days and it is really disabling me.  But I'm sure this too will pass.