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Wow, I feel the same way about myself. I avoid having my picture taken like the plague. To top it off, I've been losing my hair for a year and a half, and when that started, so did my latest bout of depression. I've always felt unattractive, and now I'll be bald on top of it. I'm 51 and still compare myself to 20-something-year-olds. People always tell me I don't look my age, and that seems to depress me more, because then I'll go home and examine every flaw, every sign of aging. Are they blind?!!? I can find something attractive in anyone, but I literally HATE my appearance from head to toe. I've had a couple of surgeries and wish I had the money to have more. Still, I know I'd never be satisfied. Being thin isn't everything. I've always been thin but would rather be and project the self-confidence of a heavier woman in skinny jeans walking with her head held high any day.
I suffer from BDD myself, no matter how much I a told i am pretty or beautiful or anything i look in the mirror and see a ugly messed up woman. I do not leave the house without my make up on and dressing nicely (not over the top crazy full ball gown but always over dressed ) for example.... when i go to my Psych apointments my hair is done my make up is on I dress nicely, always wear nice fitting jeans beautiful shoes (why i do not know) and obviously smart and maybe too dressy on top (although i do try to hide my bust). But i always compare myself to everybody else and think i look shabby and ugly and worthless. My therapist is working with me on my BDD issues (exposure therapy for BDD who would have thought) I hate myself naked so my therapist makes me stand naked in front of a mirror (not with the therapist at home alone) for 30 seconds each day, it is really hard to do. My therapist also trys to get me to come to one a sppointment every so often with no make up on and in casual wear like jeans and a hoody to make me realise i don;t need to " dress up" to look good. I still can't let my partner see my naked i freak out and panic, im struggling with my body size and my facial features. I find it horrific every day that i actually hate the way i look in every way possible.on the upside i feel slightly better now my hair has grown back (lost it due to chemotherapy) on the downside i have put on a lot of weight due to medication so i am focusing on that too much these days as well, im curvy and have a bit of a tummy (im bloated too) and i think i look huge when everyone tells me im healthy looking. I jst hope one day i will get over my appearance issues and become the confident person i was 10 yrs ago.