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Author Topic: Unsupportive partners  (Read 250 times)

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Offline colorlessideas

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Unsupportive partners
« on: February 09, 2014, 01:39:17 PM »
I have been with my SO for several years, and I know that he cares for me, but he does not handle my health anxiety well. He often makes me feel worse. I try to explain that symptoms I feel are real to me, that I am trying very hard to get help, but he isn't sympathetic. He makes jokes like "So what is it today, cancer?" He complains about coming home to sickness and sadness all the time.

It's very frustrating to me because I feel like he is blaming me for feeling bad, when I don't want this. On top of the worry I'm already feeling I have to worry about how annoyed he's going to be if I tell him something bothering me.

Anyone have any similar problems? I'm starting to feel very depressed about it.
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Offline ColdHands

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Re: Unsupportive partners
« Reply #1 on: February 09, 2014, 01:44:47 PM »
My husband is supportive, as supportive as someone without HA can be to people like us.  Sounds like your SO isn't even trying to be supportive.

However, I will play devils advocate and say that we aren't easy people to live with.  We see a bogey man bearing tumors and heart attacks around every corner.  We turn everything into a opportunity to be anxious and obsessive.  I am bad about putting it on other people too, obsessing about my husbands health too.

This is a hard disease to be a part of.  If you don't feel like he is being supportive, see if someone else he respects can talk to him about it, that understands you.  If you are thinking of getting married down the road, you need this out in the open now.  Because later it will only get worse.

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Offline clippergoodwill

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Re: Unsupportive partners
« Reply #2 on: February 09, 2014, 01:49:49 PM »
Same here... I've scared off many a date when I mention my anxiety issue. People that don't suffer with the symptoms just have no way to understand.

Coldhands' post is right on the money.
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Offline hachiko

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Re: Unsupportive partners
« Reply #3 on: February 09, 2014, 02:21:56 PM »
Well my husband is very very supportive... checks the symptoms, tells me if he is worried or not. And sometimes i will have break downs, when he comes home and i am crying and everything. But sometimes, he will say things that irritates me, a bit like you. But i just ignore those comments (as they are not often) and that you have to understand he is trying to cope with your hypochondria too, in his own way. No they don't understand, but we don't understand how it is for them too.... i ask my husband to believe that my symptoms are real and that he needs to respect me. Don't laugh about the way I am feeling and everything but well he is not perfect.

Imagine coming home to someone who is always worried, sad... always talking about the symptoms, the diseases... It gets VERY depressive for them too. So i make an effort, i ask him to check the symptoms, i talk a bit about it, we sometimes google :s (but googling with him is never cancer) and them we move to something else. He is not a doctor, not your psy or anything. And truthfully, my husband loves me and cares for me so deeply that if he was worried at all about any symptoms, he will tell me to go to the doctor.

Hope that helps

For the dates, well i wouldn't mention right awat about the anxiety issue lol... a bit of mystery for later on in the relationship
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Offline xxAmyxx

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Re: Unsupportive partners
« Reply #4 on: February 09, 2014, 03:53:17 PM »
My husband is VERY unsupportive. If I even mention a symptom I get a dramatic eyeroll  ::) and an "OMG here we go"! I don't even mention my fears/symptoms that often b/c of his reactions, I mostly keep the fears to myself and come here to not feel so alone.
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Offline colorlessideas

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Re: Unsupportive partners
« Reply #5 on: February 10, 2014, 10:18:49 AM »
Thanks guys, good to not feel alone.
It seems like it has to just be a day to day thing. Hopefully I have one of the good ones, but on bad days I think we both drive the other insane. I just have to remind him that I'm seeking help and doing the best I can.
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Online Sunlover

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Re: Unsupportive partners
« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2014, 10:42:50 AM »
My husband laughs at me, and says things like your SO says to you - he also always says, "You are the healthiest person I know!  What if you had all MY problems?"  (he has real ones like diabetes and gout).  He tells me I'm going to be like the "boy who cried wolf"   I do try to explain to him that YES I KNOW I am healthy, but how do I know which of these symptoms are going to be the REAL thing?    I wish I knew in advance what disease I would get then I wouldn't have to worry about things CONSTANTLY! He HOWEVER... when I am in a real worry about something he'll just grin and say, "Go take a Xanax!"  And at those times he actually makes me feel a LOT better!  I figure that if HE isn't worried then I AM being silly.
My daughter makes fun of me.   Once I kept feeling my sock on my toes (wondering why my toe had such an odd sensation) she rolled her eyes, then she turned on her lamp and said, "Oh no!!!  I feel the switch between my fingers!"    And you know what?  It was so funny, we both were laughing hysterically (because it showed me I was being ridiculous) and I was fine.

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Offline Ssgirl

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Re: Unsupportive partners
« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2014, 11:20:00 AM »
I know exactly how you feel. My husband is not supportive at all. It causes alot of stress in our marriage. Whenever I tell him some symptom I have like "My eyes hurt from not sleeping"... his response is always.. "Pull out google, it must be Cancer."
Its hard. I feel mocked and not taken seriously. I dont think he really understands how much it hurts me. And how much it hurts to feel so alone. I will lay awake at night with tears streaming down, because I am so afraid...  so afraid anxiety is taking over my life, or so afraid I am going to die... and I cant even talk to my spouse about it.
Its hard. I feel you.
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Offline clippergoodwill

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Re: Unsupportive partners
« Reply #8 on: February 10, 2014, 11:37:04 AM »
My husband laughs at me, and says things like your SO says to you - he also always says, "You are the healthiest person I know!  What if you had all MY problems?"  (he has real ones like diabetes and gout).  He tells me I'm going to be like the "boy who cried wolf"   I do try to explain to him that YES I KNOW I am healthy, but how do I know which of these symptoms are going to be the REAL thing?    I wish I knew in advance what disease I would get then I wouldn't have to worry about things CONSTANTLY! He HOWEVER... when I am in a real worry about something he'll just grin and say, "Go take a Xanax!"  And at those times he actually makes me feel a LOT better!  I figure that if HE isn't worried then I AM being silly.
My daughter makes fun of me.   Once I kept feeling my sock on my toes (wondering why my toe had such an odd sensation) she rolled her eyes, then she turned on her lamp and said, "Oh no!!!  I feel the switch between my fingers!"    And you know what?  It was so funny, we both were laughing hysterically (because it showed me I was being ridiculous) and I was fine.

I like this post, LOL. One of the fastest recoveries from a bad anxiety attack I had was with the help of a cool ER nurse who seemed to understand what I was going through, and added some humor to it like your family did. I would have tried to get her number if she wasn't married :) Amazing how a little laughter turns things around.
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Offline msgb98

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Re: Unsupportive partners
« Reply #9 on: February 10, 2014, 01:07:07 PM »
My husband has been supportive. He has helped me when I had a very serious health issue in the first year of our marriage. He is aware of that and understands me to a point as a result of that. Then he was there for me when another issue arose.
It just seems though that since I was given the GAD diagnosis sometimes he is not so there for me.
He knows I will do certain things to help to make it not so big but then when I am in the middle of a panic attack or anxiety issue he just says things that are not helpful. But I am sure it is hard to have a partner who has HA and you can not always be upbeat for them. (I am trying to see it from his side).
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