Welcome to the board, Sharon.
You're definitely not alone in this manner, not saying that your problem has no value, but that this is a place where you can talk and find a sense of release.
I'll follow your next few posts and talk about your situations there, but I'd like to mention about people not understanding.
You (and I) people every day who will look at you as if you're being weak. that you should just "stop feeling the way you feel." or "there are people worse off than you are."
Those type of people aren't worth your time in regards to your battle you have going on. Every one person has their own set of feelings and their set of emotions, nobody can tell you how you feel.
I'm glad you decided to join the board, Enjoy your stay. (;