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Author Topic: Feeling suicidal, no one listens.  (Read 1226 times)

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Offline Caribou

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Feeling suicidal, no one listens.
« on: February 08, 2014, 10:17:03 AM »
I am just in a total rut right now and I don't know if I will ever get out of it.  I have quite a story but no one seems to get it or understand.
I will just start with my workplace and then go from there because it's all connected.  I absolutely loathe my job because none of my bosses nor the owner will listen to me.  I started school this January and I wanted to only work for 3 days so I could focus on my school, but NONE of them will listen to me.  They schedule me whenever the heck they feel like it and in doing so, I don't have the time to do my schoolwork and therefore my grades are starting to slip already because I have at least 2 hours of homework a night and I have 3 classes total...which may not seem like a lot but I didn't think so at first but it really is.

The cost of school is awful too and I don't want to take out a student loan because of the enormous debt.  I tell my parents about this and my mom scolded me because I spend my money on ridiculous things.  I spend my money on items that my family needs because sometimes my mom can't afford it and I buy it so she doesn't have to.  And my dad says that he paid for school himself so I should be able to as well.  Well he went to college 41 years ago...I think prices have changed quite a bit, but what do I know.  Anyway, I don't know how much more of this stress I can take because work is beyond worth it and school is crushing me because I have already spent a pretty penny (for tuition and fees for the first semester) and I know I will fail because I work so much that I don't want to do any schoolwork.  This happened in high school as well and I swore to myself that I wouldn't let work get in the way, but if I am scheduled against my will I don't really have a choice.  I am honestly considering quitting if that's what it takes.  But, then there's the cost of school.  But, like I said before, my parents think that school costs the same as 41 years ago.

Everyone says that I'm just being dramatic but honestly I have exhausted every other option I can think of.  I have spoken with my parents, my bosses, etc. and no one gets it.  What am I suppose to do if no one cares?
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Offline Leo99

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Re: Feeling suicidal, no one listens.
« Reply #1 on: February 08, 2014, 11:32:15 AM »
Well I wouldn't think they don't care, they probably don't understand your situation. You are undergoing a lot of stress and it's not the same for people without and people with anxiety/ depression.
For example: if we were to asses our wellbeing on the scale from 0-10 (0 being in the dumps and 10 feeling great), a person without depression may asses it as an 8. A person with depression may asses it as a 5. And if the work and  school stress suck 3 points right out of a person, the person without depression would still feel for 5 and the person with depression would now be at 2. So people who haven't gone through our issues cannot really understand how it feels for us in my opinion. Do you think they would get a better picture if you tried explaining to them in such manner?

My advice would be to do what's best for your health. Jobs and schools will always be there. We need to do what we need to do to stay sound and safe  :winking0008:. Wishing you all the best!
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From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
(E. A. Poe)

Offline Caribou

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Re: Feeling suicidal, no one listens.
« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2014, 08:02:09 AM »
Thank you for responding.  I have had a serious talk with my parents about my current job situation and told them that if this doesn't change I'm going to have to quit.  I am already starting to see a decline in my motivation to do my homework or study for a test and it's affecting my grades.  I've already spent a good chunk of change on this and I'm doing poorly because of my stress level with work.  I want to have my total focus on school, but that can't happen and I have talked to my bosses countless times and I'm tired of wasting my breath on them.

I took 2 years off after I graduated from high school so I really want to continue college.  So, I may have to take out numerous loans and be jobless for now, but the stress I'm dealing with isn't worth it.  I'm just very unhappy with the situation I'm in and I don't get why it's so hard for my own parents to understand.
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Feeling suicidal, no one listens.
« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2014, 08:53:25 AM »
First, I want to commend you for wanting your education and getting it your way. I was the same many years ago. It is very tough, going to school and working and keeping your spirit.

Finish your semester and then look for a more flexible job. Rely on yourself, be optimistic and confident in yourself. Good that you spoke to your parents. They'll stand by you as we are here too.
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Offline Caribou

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Re: Feeling suicidal, no one listens.
« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2014, 09:57:20 AM »
I appreciate the support.  But, my grades are still slipping because of work.  I had to take my first exam yesterday but I had to work all day so I didn't have any time to study at all.  So of course I took the exam and got a C- on it.  That dropped my grade from an A- to a B-.  I just want to say that I had read an article about a girl who was just about my age that took her own life because she was completely stressed over her coursework and workload at her job.  I feel so bad for her and I know exactly how she felt.

I don't think I'll even finish my semester because I simply don't care anymore.  I have looked for jobs and I was hired at one job about 7 months ago, but my mother told me not to work there because she thought that if I made more money I wouldn't go to school.  I'm just pulling my hair out and I'm going nuts.  And once again, I keep telling my managers about this and they don't care at all.  I tell my parents I want to quit but they just don't get it at all.  That's why I feel the way that I do, because I simply can't handle working and going to school.   :(
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Feeling suicidal, no one listens.
« Reply #5 on: February 13, 2014, 08:29:02 AM »
You are in tough times. Can remember mine too. Blew finals and got C's. When we are so pressured (school and work) it's easy to blow tests. But I did not quit and I hope you won't either. No-one ever looks at a transcript. The degree is what counts.

Doing away with myself was and remains a thought. Nothing more. We'd never do that to the people we leave behind. Your mother means well. In the long run statistics show the degree pays off. You know you can vent here and we'll do the best we can to support you.
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Offline Leo99

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Re: Feeling suicidal, no one listens.
« Reply #6 on: February 13, 2014, 08:58:35 AM »
Caribou, I completely understand you are under a lot of pressure lately. Would only like to point out 2 things:
- Setting priorities straight is hard sometimes. I would consider health my first priority and then of course /probably  :P school.
- If you should be ever seriously concerning ending your own life, please get help at once (hospital, er, hotline). Depression puts desperate ideas into our brain. There are always solutions for everything though  :winking0008:.

Good luck!
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From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
(E. A. Poe)

Offline Caribou

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Re: Feeling suicidal, no one listens.
« Reply #7 on: February 13, 2014, 11:35:12 AM »
Well I finally just gave up.  I constantly tried to tell my parents that no matter what job I worked at, that if I was going to school AND working, I would only focus on making money and not on school.  They wouldn't budge and just told me that I had to be employed no matter what.  So I have officially dropped out of college so I can only focus on working.

This is the hardest decision I have ever made and I feel like a total failure.  But, my mind is made up and my parents finally got what they wanted.  I told my girlfriend about it and she said that if I didn't care about my future then we wouldn't have a future - she broke up with me.  I didn't know you could lose so much in just a few days.   :traurig001:
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Offline alizzy

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Re: Feeling suicidal, no one listens.
« Reply #8 on: February 13, 2014, 11:59:00 AM »
That stinks man.  I'm sorry you are going through all that!  :( 
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Feeling suicidal, no one listens.
« Reply #9 on: February 13, 2014, 12:13:02 PM »
Sorry to read this, but maybe you can take the time to learn more about yourself and your goals, your subject of interest, save up what you need, and return more determined.

It is strange in life how what appears to be one thing turns out to be entirely different. The girlfriend, for example. You are better off without this sort of person.
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Offline Caribou

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Re: Feeling suicidal, no one listens.
« Reply #10 on: February 13, 2014, 01:01:57 PM »
I just don't see the point anymore though.  I already waited 2 years to go back to school because I wanted to figure out what I wanted to do and also enjoy myself a little bit.  But, I don't think I ever want to go back because I have completely lost interest.  I have never been this depressed before, and come to think of it I don't think I've ever been depressed.  I would have a few bad days here and there but never anything that made me want to end my life.

I was more determined than ever about school and it literally only took 2 days to completely ruin that determination.  I'm just tired of trying.  A lot of people say that it gets better, well I've been on this Earth for 20 years now, and it has never gotten better.  I'm just sick of everyone and everything around me.  I honestly do appreciate the support from this forum because I know where I would be if I didn't have this support system - gone.
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Feeling suicidal, no one listens.
« Reply #11 on: February 13, 2014, 02:58:53 PM »
First, there is a S hotline, 1-800-273-TALK where you can speak to someone. Next, what were you thinking of majoring in at school? What college should give us is a lifelong interest in learning. Sometimes it, in fact, does the opposite. Took me years to recover my love of the library and books.

You want to get prof. help. Perhaps you need some light meds, someone to talk to, someone on your side, as we are. Young adult years can be brutal, no doubt about it. Some people have mentioned support groups to which a therapist might refer you. You realize you are not alone and maybe can actually help another, find common interests. Just some thoughts.
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Offline Lalaland

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Re: Feeling suicidal, no one listens.
« Reply #12 on: February 14, 2014, 05:10:12 AM »
Hey caribou I'm really sorry you're feeling this way :(

Try to remember though, it might not feel like it but you always DO have options.

I'm not sure if it helps, but I've always focused on work and have actually learned a lot of really amazing skills. If you find a job you like, you will probably find that you will have some amazing opportunities to learn things you never thought of until you find the area that REALLY interests you to study.

Eg I'm 26 and have never had an opportunity to really study, but next month I finally start my degree. I work full time so can only take one subject at a time, and I'm learning online so it will take me at least 6 years.

My really wise friend said to me though, the six years will pass anyway. If you gradually chip away at what you want, instead of trying to do everything at once, you'll get there.

I think the same applies for you too. :) are there any courses you could do by distance and take your time with while you also build skills working?

You're only 20, you've got your whole life to figure this stuff out :)
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Offline frankyd

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Re: Feeling suicidal, no one listens.
« Reply #13 on: February 14, 2014, 12:45:23 PM »
its good that you actually want an education but dont give up now, people do listen even though it seems like they arent.
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Offline brokenbone

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Re: Feeling suicidal, no one listens.
« Reply #14 on: February 14, 2014, 04:42:50 PM »
First of all, I know this may not be of any help, but if you ever want to talk, I am around to listen.

I often feel like nobody cares or wants to listen, especially when I'm suicidal. Talking to someone who is suicidal, or even a person just struggling with things, seems like too much for some people to deal with. It is easy for them to ignore you when they can't imagine what you're feeling or aren't sympathetic to your situation.

I went through something similar recently, where I had to quit my job (I am eighteen, if that means anything) because I worked in a kitchen where there were so many things I could harm myself with. I was too anxious to go there every day. And my parents freaked out, called me a disappointment, all that stuff. But I realized that other things are more important to me. I guess what I am trying to say is that you should live your life for you, and your mental health is more important than money; it is even more important than education. You should do what you can to go where your heart leads you, rather than following a path that society suggests. If you aren't sure what that is yet, you could try to take a break to figure it out, because you are the most important thing in your life. You have to take care of yourself first and foremost.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. Like someone else said, 1-800-273-TALK can also be very helpful.
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