I am new to this forum, and I have been having a couple of recent issues... one of which I'd like to address here.
I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly two years now. And for this amount of time, he has been the only person I have really been around. I am with him at college and outside of school. Over the years I have found it very difficult to communicate and make friends with people, so I guess this is why I have stuck with him so much. He gives me a lot of support - I get quite panicky when I am around a lot of people (not good in school!) and I have very low self-esteem. This lack of self-confidence is what really gets me down and puts me in incredibly depressive moods.
A couple of months ago, on a weekend day, I hadn't seen my boyfriend as he was volunteering and busy doing other things. When I had the opportunity to send him a text message to ask him how his day went, I got a reply that has knocked my confidence even more. He said while he was at volunteering, he had a really good time with a girl that is there. Note that this girl does have a "thing" for my boyfriend. He explained how he really enjoyed trampolining with her and couldn't speak highly enough of his time. He then went on to explain how two other girls had asked him to help organise a surprise party, and in order to be joined into their group chat, one of the girls gave him her password and he logged onto her account in order to do it. He then said how he spent a while talking to a girl over ***** about a series that they both had in common and he really enjoyed talking to her about it.
These issues would probably seem normal to someone with out such low self-confidence as me. This message completely put me off, and I have found it hard to get it out of my mind ever since. I go through phases of feeling quite good, and not feeling worried about other girls, but then it comes back again stronger than it was before. My boyfriend is extremely forgiving in ways such as this, he does not judge me and does not get bored by my remarks. He constantly tells me that I am beautiful, but in instances where other girls are involved, I find it hard to understand and even believe him... even though I trust him.
Recently, this same girl is asking him to go back to volunteering. He is on the Student Union, which is the majority of girls, and he is quite an outgoing figure (complete opposite to me, I am a total introvert!) so quite a lot of girls see this as attractive or as more of an incentive to have a flirty relationship with him as I am so quiet in comparison.
I wanted to keep this relatively short, and these are just some of this things that can make me feel anxious. Also, if I see someone that looks really pretty, I will become quiet and upset for the rest of the day if my boyfriend has seen her because I immediately think that he thinks that she is more pretty than I am. When I write it out, it seems so silly, but it feels awful at the time.. and even the thought of it now is making my stomach turn.
He is also incredibly clever, and I am average. This is another cause of my feelings, but I won't go into this now.
I have tried things like writing down things that I like about myself, and reciting "You are beautiful" to myself in the morning... but in that moment, that moment of feeling completely worthless... It doesn't matter. All of my thoughts go away, I panic, and I feel sick to my stomach.. and that is it. I am in that mood and state of mind for at least two days.
Any help would be greatly appreciated... I hate feeling like this, and I would like to find a way to manage it :)
Thank you for taking some time to read this xx