I sometimes tell my father or my fiancée in anger that they don't understand what I am going through. This pisses my fiancée especially off, because she responds by assuming that because I am saying she doesn't understand my hypochondria, that I am accusing her of not knowing who I am at all. Why is it that she flies off the wall at me for just suggesting that she does not understand hypochondria because she herself does not have hypochondria? I attribute it to just plain misunderstanding and two minds that are just at odds and so set in their individual ways - me in my hypochondria, her in her own ways.
Think of it this way: Someone accuses another person of being gross and uncouth, because the accused person is picking the skin off of their fingers and then sucking on their bloody cuts (I say this example because I do this sometimes just as a nervous habit). The person picking their fingers retorts that they do it because of an OCD habit stemming from anxiety. The person who accuses snaps back that "Well you should be more courteous of people - that stuff is gross, I don't like seeing it, it's rude". Now, since we're all hypochondriacs here I am sure we can all side with the anxious skin-picker. However, let's evaluate the two peoples' values:
- Sucks fingers and rips skin because it takes mind off of anxiety
- Gives the mind something else to do
- Internalized anxiety that sometimes disallows them from paying attention to the outer world
- Constant fear or anxiety that produces a constant fear for the self, which causes lapses in social "norms" at times
- Is acutely aware of social norms and protocols
- Is grossed out by the anxious person's behavior
- Thinks that there "must be" other ways to fight anxiety
- Oversimplifies anxiety in the mind as being weak-willed, or as being an excuse to be rude (Yes, my father has said this to me)
As you can see, there are four main reasons I pointed out for each person, for having their respective viewpoints. As an anxious person you might find it difficult relating or sympathizing with the non-anxious person. Heck, even I when typing them out had to really think of "good" reasons why a non anxious person might be offended or weirded out.
If we apply this to your case, you have your reasons for acting in a certain way because you are an anxious person. He, on the other hand, might feel that the question is intrusive, annoying, repetitive, or pointless. Where he sees a stain, you have genuine concern for his well being. This is primarily a different way of viewing the exact same thing. He does not feel the anxiety you feel because anxiety is inherently based on that - FEELING. Feelings cannot be reciprocated as easily, so where you experience fear or dread, he probably thinks you are overreacting or causing a scene. Logic, on the other hand, is easy to share and much more relatable because it is much more accessible to people other than yourself. If you were to walk up to him and say "I had a crappy day at work today", chances are he would understand and could sympathize. However, if you walked up to him and said "I had a crappy day because I fear open spaces and I felt like I was going to have a heart attack because of an impending sense of doom", it would be much harder for him to sympathize because fear is a feeling, not something physically or logically tangible.
So I think that is why so many people misunderstand us hypochondriacs.