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Author Topic: Horrible intrusive thoughts  (Read 374 times)

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Offline SleepingAwake

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Horrible intrusive thoughts
« on: February 06, 2014, 01:03:22 AM »
Hi everybody,

I don;t even know if I'm posting in the right section since I haven't been diagnose yet....

I'm 25, married with two children. I have been suffering from severe anxiety (?) lately, it's to the point that I cannot read the newspaper of watch a movie without getting these intrusive thoughts...

I'm afraid, afraid of everything. I worry all the time, about everything. Anything I read, anything I watch on TV triggers strong worries and fears. I can't go see a doctor because I don't have insurance, but also because I worry about losing my children. 90% of the intrusive thoughts are about my children; what if something bad happens to them? what if I never get to see them again ( I had to force myself to write this last sentence as I'm convinced-don't know why or how, that it will happen if I put it in words). Example: hubby was watching the movie debt on TV, I go read about it and I happen upon the review talking about how the Nazi Doctor in the movie was injecting children's eyes with dye....It took less than a few seconds for the anxiety to escalate into what if my oldest loses her sight and that she cries for days not knowing what's happening, I could literally visualize the situation and start crying....That's how bad it is! When I'm not worrying about my kids, I worry that I die and having nobody caring for them (we don't have any family here). or that I get disfigured or lose one my senses. I even worry about ending up in death row if I read an article about a convicted murderer.

These thoughts don't occur during the day...It's to the point that I dread my husband going to bed because that's when it starts usually; it's like if I dread the moment when I'm finally alone with my thoughts. Even after I go to bed and start reading I have to knock on wood three times with each hand and three times with both hands at the same then on different positions. If I don't do that, I feel like my worst fears will take place.

This doesn't impact my work and family life  expect for the lack of sleep..... I don't get these thoughts at work and I spend wonderful times with my children.... I'm sick of being scared of everything, I'm sick of anytime I read something, I stray imagining those situations and emotional and physically hurting anticipating and dreading those "horrible things" that's going to happen. I hear people talking about how sometimes they have a gut feeling that something bad is going to happen; I have that feeling every night.

Please say something, say anything; just be there for me. I just need to talk to somebody that went through this. This is so emotionally exhausting....

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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: Horrible intrusive thoughts
« Reply #1 on: February 06, 2014, 05:26:06 AM »
Night time is when our inner most thoughts come out to play. It is dark. It is quiet. More time for that mind to race. It is what we class as an irrational fear. Because there is no reason why it should ever really happen. I doubt you could give us five good logical reasons? People with most forms of anxiety have this big fear of losing those people they love the most. People closest to them. It is a very common fear. But can you see any real reason that such an act would take place? This is where you have to look at the fear and try and see it for what it really is. Something that will never happen. I know it might be hard once the thought kicks in. But take out a pen and paper and begin writing. Reasons why it should happen versus reason why it will never happen. Not sure if you see a therapist at all. But it might be a good idea. To show you how to deal with thoughts like this. At best I can only say to try and distract yourself. Work out the root cause of the fear. The more you write on paper the more you might see something that rings a bell in your head. Not sure if you ever had bad thoughts as a kid or when you were growing. Lost any loved ones along the way. That landed you here with these thoughts. Is all there to be explored.
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Offline e77

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Re: Horrible intrusive thoughts
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2014, 11:53:38 AM »
I Like what Cuchculan says.  Fear amplifies these thoughts.  Early mornings before sunlight are the worst time for me.  My brain chatters on and on about things that disturb me.  I know its difficult to accept but allowing these thoughts to come and go can relieve anxiety as well.  "Horrible" thoughts are a common human experience.  I get them too.  When anxiety ramps up we dwell on the catastrophic.  Its what our brains do when we perceive a threat.  Talking it over with a counselor can help you calm down.  Our imaginations can take us to scary places and it is normal.  Peace.
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Offline tamsankaur

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Re: Horrible intrusive thoughts
« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2014, 02:17:29 PM »
I have had intrusive thoughts as well about what if something happens to someone in my family. One of the things that I would recommend is try not to be so fearful of these thoughts. Once you let go of your fear of these thoughts they will lose steam and they won't bother you as much. I know this is a lot easier said than done. However, it is something that really works and helps. The second thing I would say is that, regardless of what you think, it does not mean what you think is going to happen. Your thoughts are merely your thoughts. They are not a representation of your reality. These are just your thoughts that are obsessive in nature. If all our thoughts had the power to become reality things would be pretty crazy, regardless of which our thoughts do not have that power and what you think will most likely never happen. Lastly, I know this may seem impossible to think of, but so what? If such things happened, so what? I trembled when I thought about this "so what" before, but you have to understand that life is not predictable. Regardless of what we want there will be times when unfortunate things happen. We will have to deal with those situations then. However, today you should only think about what you have to do today. Stay in the present and don't worry about the future. What comes in the future will come whether we like it or not. At that point in time we will have the courage and ability to deal with the situation. If life hands your problems it also gives you the courage to deal with those problems. 

"It is the trouble that never comes that causes the loss of sleep." Chas Austin Bates

Don't worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will have its own worries and its own solutions. Just deal with today. I hope this helped you!
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