Hello, I am a 24, and I believe I have ocd pure o and genrealised anxiety disorder. I have been to my gp a few times now and they have sent me for a whole lot of blood tests and heart tests ( because of family history) before they can diagnose/help me. Ive been told the waiting list time is on average six months (cbt) which scares me a little as I feel like im at my limit on how much I can deal with.
im terrified im not doing what I think im doing, fir example I could just be readi g and suddenly get the feeling im somewhere else doing something else, bit of a hard one to explain. My checkimg habbits mainly centre around the safety of my little girl, sometimes i can spend hours just pushing the window in even sets of numbers, if i get to 30 and still dont feel right about it i have to leave the room and start again. I do the same with the downstairs doors, gates, switches. I have tried in the past to not do it but i get horrible images of my little girl drowning in a river, under a car ect and its just too strong for me to ignore.
I have intrusive thoughts where I may harm my partner, so I often avoid him or avoid objects im scrared ill hurt him with. This is probably the toughest part as I love him so much, and feel like I cant be with him because of it. Ive also wanted to tell him awful things such as "I killed your mum" and "I hate having sex with you". I have it with strangers too, I want to tell them horrible things about their appearence, race ect. Its absolutely killing me
My axiety means that I cant socialise the way I used to, I cant seem to look and anyone anymore and often avoid conversations. Ive had a few panic atracks, but often have a rapid hearbeat throughout the day.
This has been quite difficult to write as I feel that the more I tell people about it the more power it has, and all of the intrusive thoughts make me feel like a bad person and im ashamed of myself. Thankyou for reading and apologies for long post.