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Author Topic: Serious fear of the future, needs advice!  (Read 184 times)

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Offline SummerSun41

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Serious fear of the future, needs advice!
« on: January 29, 2014, 11:05:55 PM »
My anxiety lately has been so focused on the future. I'm getting married in a year and a half, going to be buying a house or renting a place which involves moving out of my parents house for the first time (I'm 23 now, will be almost 24 when all this happens), and finishing my second bachelor's degree within this time as well and finding a job (hopefully). Writing it out makes me realize that yes, it's a lot of change in a relatively short amount of time. But for some reason, I cannot stop worrying about all of this stuff/my future in general. I struggle with a little bit of derealization and existential anxiety, too, which I'm sure plays a part.

It will probably be kind of difficult for me to move out of my parents house. They care about me and love me so much that sometimes it's suffocating, but at the same time, they've kind of spoiled me and I'm scared that I won't be able to handle all the typical adult responsibilities. My dad and I are pretty close and let's just say he's going to be a mess on my wedding day, so it's hard for me to even talk about any of this with him and my mom. I almost feel guilty for leaving them or something, even though I know they're happy for me. I'm going to be alone during the night from 6pm - 6am five days a week once I get married (FH works nights) so that scares me a lot. What will I do with all that time to myself, in a new house, in a new neighborhood? And I don't even want to think about having children. The thought terrifies me beyond belief. I love other people's children and love babysitting my friends and families young kids, but I can't picture myself having any of my own. My FH says this is fine with him, even though he says he might like to have one someday. Pregnancy and the changes my body would go through before and after are just plain terrifying. And what if I get a job, but end up hating it? I handle a part time job now just fine (plus class), but I know a real full-time job won't be as easy.

To keep this relatively short, I'm just a little scared for myself. I'm a pretty happy person and I fear depression, so I think all of this is contributing to my fears, such as, "What if we get a new house and it feels so foreign and uncomfortable that I get depressed?" It seems silly but it's a very real fear for me. I read some of my favorite blogs about home improvement and life in general, and just think, "Gosh, what if that's never me? What if I can't handle all that?" I just don't know what to do or where to turn. My FH knows I'm anxious about these things and is extremely supportive and understanding, but he doesn't know the extent of my anxiety. Has anyone else been through this with anxiety and felt this way? I really need some reassurance and advice.
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: Serious fear of the future, needs advice!
« Reply #1 on: January 30, 2014, 05:54:21 AM »
So many ' What Ifs ' going on here. You are living next year in your mind right now. Slow down a bit. You still have to live today and tomorrow and the day after that as well. I am sure you will have loads happen before any of these big changes happen in your life. Things that might shape the future for you. As it stands you are basing on the future on your current situation. Your current situation could change between now and then. So all this thinking ahead based on your life today may have to change too, based on your life as you get closer to the day. So try stay in the present. Take each day as it comes. I know it is a lot of changes. I am sure there is not one married person out there who didn't worry about the changes once they got married. Would they be able for it. The cash side of things. Keeping a house going. Normal worries. And those other people would have all managed just fine. You seem to be doing good at what you are doing right now. That shows you have drive. Which is a good thing. Your family will always be there for you. That is one love that never changes. As for having kids? The coin is in the air on that one. Had a friend who never wanted any before she got married. She has four now. I am sure you will settle in to married life just fine. But apart from planning the big day, try stay in the present time. Don't jump too far ahead of yourself. Let things happen by themselves. Going too far ahead will only cause you more anxiety.
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Offline SummerSun41

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Re: Serious fear of the future, needs advice!
« Reply #2 on: January 30, 2014, 04:19:07 PM »
Thanks so much for your reply. I do realize that I am getting ahead of myself, and when I stop thinking about the future, I'm pretty much fine-- so I do need to focus on living more in the present! Thanks again, that really helped put things in perspective.
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Offline stephpuck

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Re: Serious fear of the future, needs advice!
« Reply #3 on: January 30, 2014, 08:29:13 PM »
I remember feeling that same anxiety about leaving my mom and getting married. I'm not sure how I ever got over that but I did. I think it's smart to think over the future. We just have to be kind to ourselves and true to ourselves as well. If you feel like having kids is not something you want to do...that is totally fine! If your house isn't like the houses on home improvement blogs etc...that is totally fine! I'm not sure if this advice is helpful at all. I think it's great that you've communicated a lot of this to your future husband. My husband is very receptive to listening to all of my anxieties but I know he doesn't always understand.
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