My anxiety lately has been so focused on the future. I'm getting married in a year and a half, going to be buying a house or renting a place which involves moving out of my parents house for the first time (I'm 23 now, will be almost 24 when all this happens), and finishing my second bachelor's degree within this time as well and finding a job (hopefully). Writing it out makes me realize that yes, it's a lot of change in a relatively short amount of time. But for some reason, I cannot stop worrying about all of this stuff/my future in general. I struggle with a little bit of derealization and existential anxiety, too, which I'm sure plays a part.
It will probably be kind of difficult for me to move out of my parents house. They care about me and love me so much that sometimes it's suffocating, but at the same time, they've kind of spoiled me and I'm scared that I won't be able to handle all the typical adult responsibilities. My dad and I are pretty close and let's just say he's going to be a mess on my wedding day, so it's hard for me to even talk about any of this with him and my mom. I almost feel guilty for leaving them or something, even though I know they're happy for me. I'm going to be alone during the night from 6pm - 6am five days a week once I get married (FH works nights) so that scares me a lot. What will I do with all that time to myself, in a new house, in a new neighborhood? And I don't even want to think about having children. The thought terrifies me beyond belief. I love other people's children and love babysitting my friends and families young kids, but I can't picture myself having any of my own. My FH says this is fine with him, even though he says he might like to have one someday. Pregnancy and the changes my body would go through before and after are just plain terrifying. And what if I get a job, but end up hating it? I handle a part time job now just fine (plus class), but I know a real full-time job won't be as easy.
To keep this relatively short, I'm just a little scared for myself. I'm a pretty happy person and I fear depression, so I think all of this is contributing to my fears, such as, "What if we get a new house and it feels so foreign and uncomfortable that I get depressed?" It seems silly but it's a very real fear for me. I read some of my favorite blogs about home improvement and life in general, and just think, "Gosh, what if that's never me? What if I can't handle all that?" I just don't know what to do or where to turn. My FH knows I'm anxious about these things and is extremely supportive and understanding, but he doesn't know the extent of my anxiety. Has anyone else been through this with anxiety and felt this way? I really need some reassurance and advice.