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Author Topic: Sucide? Right or Wrong?  (Read 639 times)

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Offline fallentofar

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Sucide? Right or Wrong?
« on: January 24, 2014, 08:07:23 PM »
I'm curious.  I'm in a medical profession that are first responders to any emergency.  I have seen sucides and my partner called one gentleman a coward for ending his life. 

I told her she was wrong.  He made a decision.  Was it the right one probably not!  It was his choice.  She asked how can someone think like that? And show no signs.

I wanted so bad to tell her she was standing next to a person who on a daily basis wants to end his life.  I don't because part of me likes to think that everytime I get on my truck I can slowly fix what I have broken.  I've made my life to shambles,  I lost the love of my life.  I've become a hermit.  I was having so many issues with a NCO (SUPERVISOR) at work that while the day before christmas he came in to just tell me that I was a useless peice of garbage he hated.... ( this mind you is because I hurt my back falling off a horse and I cannot do everything a soldier is supposed to do anymore).  Tack that on and the every growing feeling of loneliness and short span relation ships i was a kettle for sucide.  I turned to self harm at one point.  Most of the scars on my left arm are from that.  I became so depressed.  I asked for help.  The first thing they did was humiliate me.  My supervisor felt it prudent to remind me everyday after that what a peice of ***** I was.  Am I a bad person? I don't think so at all.  I have never recieved a lost of rank, ive always done what ive been told to do.  This mans only reason for what he says is because i cant do as many push ups as him. 

he pushed me to a point.  I wish I could see her face again.  Hold her like I used to.  Her face in my chest.  I miss those days.  I'm not ready for someone else.  I don't know if I'll ever be ready.

Something about me real fast! I care for works of inspiration.  This is me trying to talk.  I have enough issues with people at work I cant trust.  I'm just venting.
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Offline Laura48310

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Re: Sucide? Right or Wrong?
« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2014, 12:33:36 PM »
Wow I'm sorry to read this what an ass your supervisor is. Maybe you should do something else. I have a current issue at my job I've been bullied by people in my department so it got to the point where I would go home feeling depressed and angry i finally talked to my supervisor last week and she is letting me change departments.i e been working there for ten years thats the least they could do.

As for your co worker she will probably never understand. You have to walk in someone else's shoes for a while to truly understand why people do what they do. That person i believe was not a coward who knows what that person has been through. It's to bad no one could help him. :(
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Offline howifeel

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Re: Sucide? Right or Wrong?
« Reply #2 on: January 31, 2014, 06:52:17 PM »
Sounds like where you are in life is challenging. Like, not everyone could endure the work you do. Add to that, some major setbacks in life, such as your love for your ex-gf. Tried to handle it a variety of ways, and still are feeling like your supervisor may be right about you. You are pretty sure that they are wrong, since you have proven yourself to be a good worker (soldier).

What is it about this girl that can not be found in any other? Have you fallen too far for real? Have you ever heard of someone who got married because they were "the one" only to discover otherwise later in life? Why is being reclusive for the time being so bad? Why does the supervisor's voice carry so much weight regarding you as a person?

I've been to hell (mentally) and back. I must say, many have thrown in the towel too soon. I never ever ever thought I would get better. Others got better, but never me. I have a strained relationship, few friends, and have learned to care (genuinely) little about the opinions of those who don't have my best interest in mind. I am a musician who has walked out on stage feeling like I wanted to *****, but the show must go on. Those of us who struggle with depression are anything but weak. Most would end their own life after a week. Depression is about losing friends, unfortunately. It all works out in time, though. Give it time.
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I do things to feel better, I don't wait to feel better to do things.

Offline Julie A. Cook

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Re: Sucide? Right or Wrong?
« Reply #3 on: February 02, 2014, 05:41:51 PM »
I so appreciated your post.  I have never considered *****, but I have suffered from anxiety and depression most of my life.  I could certainly see why someone would finally take that route.  But what I love about your post most is that it's hopeful.  You say keep ion trying.  You are a brave soul.  God bless you and all of us who struggle with this disease. 
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Offline Jason293117

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Re: Sucide? Right or Wrong?
« Reply #4 on: February 05, 2014, 07:28:02 AM »
Very open post. I have been battling depression for years now, it worsens into being a hermit as you speak of and then the anxiety begings to form. Im still trying to block myself from the world. Not being able to hold the one you love is a battle i fight daily. I would love to say it will get better but i am still waiting on that myself. It is nice to know im not alone though, its strange how we find some comfort through each others pain sometimes. Keep pushing forward, find a light in your darkness and stay focused on it, enentually the torment must end right?
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Offline howifeel

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Re: Sucide? Right or Wrong?
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2014, 02:08:58 AM »
Right on Jason and Julie! I will take it a step further. It is strange for me to be discouraged by others doing well. Even those who get better. I agree that there is comfort in hearing my peers' pain. It was described to me as the healing power of peer support. Makes me not so alone. So much pressure to have it all together. Just gets overwhelming.
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I do things to feel better, I don't wait to feel better to do things.

Offline tinam7

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Re: Sucide? Right or Wrong?
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2014, 08:11:14 AM »
There is some relief in knowing that we are not alone in our struggles. We live in times of extremes. Others are having the time of their life, or they are heroic, or they are artists, or inventors, etc. etc. Or, at the other end, their happy drugs are doing them in.

Life is a struggle. Buddhism (as a philosophy) says it in the First Noble Truth: Life is Suffering. Who is immune? We can make it better, but that takes effort, work, self-discipline and I'd add turn off the gadgets and turn inward to develop our inner self. It can be done. We can claim hope and optimism.
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Offline frankyd

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Re: Sucide? Right or Wrong?
« Reply #7 on: February 08, 2014, 05:21:48 PM »
Absolutely wrong in so many ways, its the cowards way out and i cannot fathom why anyone would think its a good idea to do this, i suffer from severe depression and i do not feel myself wanting to do this.
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