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Author Topic: Letting your kids down...  (Read 202 times)

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Offline alicat22

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Letting your kids down...
« on: January 21, 2014, 08:29:20 PM »
I have a hard time traveling far from home, walking though open spaces, tall buildings, etc. Well, my daughter is checking out colleges. My husband took her to 2 of them and she understood why I couldn't go. She still has a few others to see. They are about 2 to 4 hours away (by car), and one is in NYC. She asked if I could just bring myself to help her move in, she would want that. I feel so bad about it. I would want to move her in, visit, go to the graduation, etc. The car ride for 4 hour alone is enough to give me chronic diarrhea for weeks! Also, the thought of her being that far away where I can't get to her easily is bothering me. I wish I was one of those moms that could just jump in the car and drive where ever I want to go. I am also dreading high school graduation which is held at a 2000 seat theater (not at the school) and is 30 minutes from home. I am kind of a functioning agoraphobic (whatever that is), I can work, shop, doctor appts, drive locally, etc. (sometimes with difficulty) When my kids were younger I managed to get through some of the agoraphobic challenges, but this is the hardest. Anyone else have feelings of failure, letting their family down, embarrassed, not being there for their kids???
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Offline Leo99

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Re: Letting your kids down...
« Reply #1 on: January 23, 2014, 07:30:00 AM »
Anyone else have feelings of failure, letting their family down, embarrassed, not being there for their kids???
Sure, in my opinion most people here at one point or another. I would even say feelings like that are symptoms of depression, anxiety as such. I do not have kids but I feel like that in relation to other people when I'm not in one of my best moods. I however try to be rational and remember that self-blaming only makes my condition worse. So no self-blame, ok  :winking0008:? It is not your fault that you have problems. Perhaps try dividing your 'goals' into small steps and start with the smallest? Like for example, you could help pick your daughter some stuff for her room while at college. You could perhaps check the way to NYC on the map. Try taking a part of that road at first. And see where that goes. Exposure bit by bit as to say.
But most importantly, try not to blame yourself. You're human. And in pain as it is. I'm sure your family understand and loves you unconditionally. Good luck to you!  :action-smiley-065:
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From childhood's hour I have not been
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Letting your kids down...
« Reply #2 on: January 23, 2014, 08:23:16 AM »
Sure can identify with this. But guess what? Kids are so resilient, understanding, agreeable if you explain yourself and explain that what bothers you has nothing to do with them. You love them just the same and they love you.

One thing you might try is sitting in the back seat of the car and distracting yourself maybe with puzzles, music, etc. But do not fault yourself, as Leo says. Instead, appreciate what you can do. Many others can't even do that. I am like you, can do the short distances and nothing else. Have made peace with this reality.
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