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Author Topic: People pleasing, fear of confrontation  (Read 160 times)

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Offline Ohioman1972

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People pleasing, fear of confrontation
« on: January 21, 2014, 07:52:54 PM »
I am 41, married, 3 kids. I have suffered from anxieties since before I can remember as a child. It started with bullies. Or when my step-father would be angry. Now I get a knot in my stomach if I feel someone is unhappy with me - I quickly find a way to make my actions or statements acceptable to them. When in an argument with my wife, I back down. She has left me a couple times - and she even tells me it's because I am so codependant.
 
I know the problem, but I don't know how to conquer this. Everyone has anxiety to some level, I just don't know how to deal with them and function. They are irrational. My fight-or-flight mechanism doesn't work because in real situations where a normal person would be anxious, I freeze...
 
I'd like to avoid medications because I already have a tolerance/addiction to Ambien and I'm trying to kick that... not sure if adding another would be good - but now that my marriage is again on the rocks, I will try anything,.
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: People pleasing, fear of confrontation
« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2014, 06:07:10 AM »
Couples therapy might be a good option if the problem is that bad. Have a third party there, the therapist, to be able to tell you how they see the situation and what changes they think you both need to make. It can all be about giving and taken. Both people have to give something to a relationship. In order to be able to take something out of the relationship. Your wife just seems angry. Seems like a person who walk away and then come back before you know it. As if there is something more she wants to say / add. But she stays around and then ups and goes again. But comes back again. She seems to need help too. Hence a couples therapist. Might be the best answer.
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Offline Ohioman1972

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Re: People pleasing, fear of confrontation
« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2014, 04:59:03 PM »
She refuses therapy. We went to 4 or 5 marriage counseling sessions and she stopped going. I went to individual sessions and that didn't fix everything so she won't go back. I know it takes a lot of sessions to see progress, but... what can ya do?
Anyway, I am not able to fix her. I can only fix me. Well, I could if I knew where to start.
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