Im a 15 year old male, and I got rid of my self diagnosed HOCD about 3 or so months ago, but it feels like its coming back for revenge. Recently I have been noticing members on my same sec more often; for instance I know when a guy looks good or not. Or for instance when I saw Fast and Furious and saw Vin Deasel; i was like wow that guy is epic with the low voice and muscles. I dont think I was attracted to him , but I admired his physic and voice ( this started to alarm me a little bit.) Furthermore, I have never EVER got a boner to a guy, and always get to them to girls. I also dont think i have ever been attracted to guy (I hope not) but i had multiple crushes on girls before in a love and infatuation kind of way. I currently have this massive crush on this girl that is the most beautiful person that i have ever seen, but I have this weird feeling that Im lieing to myself for some reason.
Furthermore, I feel i have this weird sensation to suck my own________ when im in the washroom. I also have these thoughts about my voice sounding gay or flamboyant or the how I put my hand on my chin. Above all the worst thing about this is that I just feel gay, i dont know why but I do; even though the evidence would indicate otherwise. Lastly, when im having a really a good time with my guy friends (Not in that way, but just hanging around and joking with each other) I just feel like im gay for whatever reason.
Sorry if I offended some people but Im not trying to be homophobic; im just looking for someone who feels the same as me.