I've always been afraid of death. Back to when I was a kid of 10 or 11, I was consumed with thoughts of dying and being very afraid. I am now 42. I've been diabetic for 13 years. Last January, my lifelong best friend, a childhood diabetic since 14 years old, who actually went into a coma before he was diagnosed, but survived, well last year he died suddenly of cardiac arrest after leaving the gym. He was a tall guy, and strong, but not fat. Just died. I had been worrying a lot about Pancreatic Cancer in particular BEFORE his death (in summer 2012), after reading "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom at the request of my therapist. That was definitely the WRONG advice. That book has triggered this obsession with death, and in the book, Mitch talks about his uncle who died of Pancreatic Cancer in his 40's. So then I started googling about Pancreatic Cancer. I became obsessed with it, especially learning about how its almost a sure death sentence and can't really be treated successfully. I am always obsessed now with any pain in my upper body, of which I have constantly. I always have upper right rib pain, and sternum pain. I have had tons of tests, and talked to doctors about my Pancreatic Cancer fears, and they all blow that idea off, saying I'm too young. Well, I've read plenty of cases of people in their 40's with it. Then I had heart fears, but at least those were solved after going through a Heart Catheterization Angiogram that declared my heart perfect. Now I'm back on cancer. I am just so scared of dying and not seeing my 6 year old daughter grow up, and leaving her behind, and worry about how my eath would affect her. I worry about being forgotten. Right now, today I am having a major anxiety attack. I had a floating stool this morning, and of course still the pain in my chest and right side, and my Pancreatic Cancer fear is overwhelming. I am on Cymbalta and Klonopin, but the doctor just cut my Klonopin dosage in half about a week and a half ago, and I get headaches constantly. I feel doomed to a young death, especially after my friend dying and leaving his kids behind. I HATE that life always ends in death. I often wish I had never been born, so I wouldn't have to wait for death to come.