As a little background, I'm a high school freshman and I first experienced Pure O intrusive thoughts in 6th grade- not fun. They have always had to do with *****, losing control, going crazy, depression, hating other people (I can't even explain this one, I literally have a fear that I'll suddenly start to hate everyone and have my life ruined- it doesn't even make sense) self harm, hurting someone around me, and vomiting- all of which are things that I would never do. I've had anxiety since about age 7 and I just recently tried Zoloft for 3 weeks and it wreaked absolute havoc and brought my intrusive thoughts that I hadn't had for a while back- I was miserable, and honestly, I was a bit depressed. I stopped the medication but I truly haven't felt relaxed in over 3 weeks, which is odd, because I normally get a little comfort at home or something, but these intrusive thoughts have been bothering me nonstop. I just started a really great CBT/OCD/ERP specialist, and I get relief for about a full day after I see him, but then I start to ruminate again and the thoughts all flow back.
Not that any of that really matters, as my main question is, are anyone else's intrusive thoughts more vivid and terrifying in the morning? It seems as if as soon as I wake up, the first thing my brain jumps to is my intrusive thoughts, and the thoughts flow in ("What if you kill yourself today!" "What if you hurt yourself today?" "What if you snap at someone today"- all of which I end up having a mental fight with, as these are the most disturbing thoughts for me), it would be really nice to know that this is common among people with OCD! I guess it would make sense, as our brains are not yet fully awake and armed to fight against the thoughts, something that our mind constantly does when we're awake!