Lets try this again. I had a whole huge post typed out and the power flickered and shut the computer down.
First off let me welcome you to the forum. Also, Im not a professional and I cant diagnose you with anything but, as a fellow OCD sufferer for many years. I can say that you fit the bill for OCD. I too have had OCD since I was 12 or possibly younger. I am 32 now. My ocd and anxiety seem to come and go. Get better for awhile then come back and stomp me in the ground.
INtrusive thoughts are OCD. These thoughts are unwanted and its important for you to know that they are not "your" thoughts and I mean by that these arent thoughts that you are conciously coming up with. These are automatic unwanted intrusive obsessive thoughts. You have to understand that thoughts are harmless. YOu arent a bad person for a thought coming through your mind. Every human being has an intrusive thought from time to time. A normal person can shrug it off but us anxiety sufferers show it attention. We have an emotional reaction to the thought that causes it to stick. Usually that emotion is fear. Also doubt and shame come into play. Its also important to remember that you wont act on your thoughts.
Blasphemous intrusive thoughts are very common with OCD so are sexual thoughts, harmful thoughts, self harm thoughts and whatever your imagination can come up with.
Also, tell your psychiatrist and or counselor about the thoughts. I know it sounds hard to talk to people about the thoughts but they are professionals, they understand and they need all the symptoms you have to give you the correct diagnosis and treatment. They wont lock you in a psych ward for intrusive thoughts.
You spoke of contamination that is also classic OCD.
Conspiracies, spying, feeling you are paranoid are typical of OCD and anxiety.
Fearing over a loved ones health is also and ocd/anxiety issue.
YOu said mental tourettes. Thats funny bc OCD and Tourettes are closely related.
You arent a psychopath or schizophrenic. I have met many other OCD sufferers who feared they were schizophrenic including myself.
YOu spoke of avoidance issues. Well avoidance is the same as a compulsion with OCD and you will need to expose yourself to things.
Im been up for awhile so I know my post is gonna be all out of whack and unorganized and confusing and I apologize but let me share a few more things.
Most of us that suffer intrusive thoughts are very kind, compassionate, caring, loving, conscientous people and thats why the thoughts terrify us. The thoughts are always the opposite of what and who we are. You wont act on these thoughts bc they are against your moral beliefs and your character. a persons belief and character do not change over night, they are ingrained in us and make us the good people that we are.
Theres a few good books you can read brain lock by dr jeffrey schwartz and one called overcoming obsessive thoughts cant remember the author.
Ive overcome intrusive thoughts before (im currently in a relapse) i had a very stressful year and I let my guard down and they came back.
Dont suppress the thoughts dont resist them that only makes them stronger and gives them validation. The thoughts arent the problem its your emotional reaction to them. When you have a thought dont try to resist it, let them come and let it play out and do your best not to react emotionally to it. say something like "wow what a weird thought" then try to shift your attention to something else. or give the thought a funny cartoon voice and play it over in your head. its hard to fear a thought when you change how it sounds.
if you are avoiding things you will need to expose yourself to them slowly but surely and prove to yourself that there is nothing to fear. once you expose yourself to a situation enough times and nothing happens then you will stop fearing it. im sure im forgetting something. i dont post alot on the forums but you can feel free to private message me anytime cuz i check my messages and i usually go to the chat room.
Things will get better. I think (this is my opinion) that OCD is a chronic condition. Like high blood pressure or diabetes. Its always gonna be there. You can control it but you cant ever quit treatment or it can come back. I mean it has for me. Once you start to get better and you are doing well then you experience a moment when you feel anxious and you avoid something bc of anxiety then that would be a good chance for the OCD to start to ease its way back in. Its important to be vigilant and have the proper therapy and training so that you can combat OCD if it ever does try to sneak in and stop it early.