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Author Topic: Tired of being "the quiet guy"  (Read 894 times)

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Offline denrok

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Tired of being "the quiet guy"
« on: January 16, 2014, 10:07:15 AM »
Hey all.

Today at work one of my co-workers called me a "quiet guy". I wasn't really offended by it because I KNOW I'm a quiet guy. And I absolutely hate it. I don't have a problem when it's socializing 1 on 1, I can actually get a good conversation going in these situations, but when I'm in a large group, I find it extremely hard to take part in the conversations. What also makes it hard, especially at work, is that I am the youngest in the whole organization, nearly everyone is 10-20 years older than me (I'm 22).

Since everyone is so much older than me, nearly everyone there doesn't share the same interests as me, meaning I have a hard time to relate and take part in the discussions. I absolutely love my co-workers, they are one of the kindest people I have ever met, but during lunch and coffee breaks, everyone is talking about different stuff that interest them and I just stay there quiet trying to listen.

When they talk about stuff that interests me, do you know what I do? I stay quiet and listen. Many times I get a question in my mind while listening, but I am afraid to ask since I am afraid of looking and sounding like an idiot. Sometimes I even get a joke in my head, but I don't say it out loud because I'm afraid they won't like it and once again think I am a moron. There have been many times when I have actually tried to put on an effort and when I'm just about to open my mouth, someone else starts talking and my opportunity goes out the window. Sometimes I feel like I am going to make the whole group feel awkward if I open my mouth too!

I'm tired of being "the quiet guy". I want to talk, ask questions, make jokes and share my thoughts, instead of sitting quietly and listening! I could really use some help with this!
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Offline nb1227

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Re: Tired of being "the quiet guy"
« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2014, 10:13:42 AM »
I have had similar problems in the past. This is one area where I've been able to get better by opening up. To start, I would say to try as hard as you can to join in on one conversation, even if it's just one comment. It's definitely tough at first. You get all nervous that you're going to say something stupid. I know this is tough, but if someone starts to talk about something that you are interested in, offer a quick thought. If you go in with a statement or light opinion, you'll have joined in. I could never do this at first in high school, but I started to get a bit better at it near the end once I realized the audience I was with was friendly. It kind of made me regret not opening up a bit more sooner!

Since you like your co-workers, that's a good thing. Maybe try to speak up just once and see how it goes. This is one of those things that gets easier with practice, but you have to take that first step.
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Online Hypo84

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Re: Tired of being "the quiet guy"
« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2014, 07:12:15 PM »
I can tell you how to stop being a quiet guy, but prepare not to be like by everyone, and that is usually the worst fear people with social anxiety have.

Talk about the things you like, and start conversation about the things you like, you are passionate about. If everyone around you don't share your interest guess what, find some people that do. Maybe you share the same type of humor? For example, I have sarcastic humor, like Chandler from Friends if you've watched. There are a lot of people I piss of with that, and we just don't get along, but the ones that are cool with that, that like to have fun the same way, we get along just perfectly. So, maybe you share the same type of humor with someone, maybe you watch similar tv shows, movies, maybe you like the same type of girls...

You need to open up yourself, find out what YOU like, what YOU want to do, and show that to other people. When you do that, you will find people that have similar interests and you won't be the quiet guy anymore. Another example, I like bowling, tennis, basketball, salsa...when I want to go there I invite people..we share the same experiences and because of that we have smth to talk about.

Don't try to be friends with everyone, don't try to be liked by everyone. First, find what YOURSELF is, and than go BE YOURSELF! ;)
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