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Author Topic: Good News and Bad News  (Read 422 times)

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Offline selfdiagnose

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Good News and Bad News
« on: January 14, 2014, 09:14:54 PM »
As some of you may know, I've been suffering from a serious fear of having a brain tumor (I've been suffering from palinopsia - seeing trails off moving objects). In my last post, I wrote that I would be having my MRI on the 20th of January. Now, it's been changed to the 16th of January. I guess I should be happy, but my intuition tells that the appointment change will leave me with four less days of living a normal life before I discover that I have an insidious lesion inside my head. I had no idea that psychological pain could be as bad as physical pain. To make things worse, I think I saw a blue dot dart across my vision last night. I just can't accept the possibility that there's nothing wrong with me. Dying of a terminal illness is one thing but seeing loved ones suffer as I die is too much for me. Never before in my life have I experienced such intense fear and anxiety. I look forward to my MRI results as a criminal looks forward to his execution.
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"It's called the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it." -George Carlin

Offline mct425

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Re: Good News and Bad News
« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2014, 10:15:45 PM »
Aww hon, try not to send yourself to a death sentence before you have a test done.  I know it's easier said than done...goodness knows I've spent many an appointment the past few months doing that...and you know what?  They always turn out fine.

This palinopsia that you describe-is that an official diagnosis, or one that you diagnosed yourself with?

My mother started having floaters/trails/webs in her vision and it turned out that it's NOTHING.  Sometimes it just happens and it's not the sign of a fatal illness.  It can be treated and monitored, and will eventually go away.

Try to remember that brain tumors are relatively rare (HA HA! I need to be listening to myself right now as that is my current worry!) and cause severe symptoms that worsen over time.  I was once told that if you have a brain tumor, YOU know something is very wrong, OTHERS know something is very wrong, and the DOCTOR knows something is very wrong. 

Try to relax the best you can and realize that you will get an ANSWER soon...and more likely than not, all will be fine :)
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Offline selfdiagnose

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Re: Good News and Bad News
« Reply #2 on: January 14, 2014, 10:25:23 PM »
I hope you are right mct425. Thanks for the comforting words. They really do make a difference in times like these.
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"It's called the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it." -George Carlin

Offline RCB127

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Re: Good News and Bad News
« Reply #3 on: January 14, 2014, 10:33:43 PM »
I know what you mean I had that fear too I'm sure you are fine though and I always see blue spots and different flashes and floaters it's nothing are you getting headaches? It could be migraines thats when I notice them the most
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Offline olethros

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Re: Good News and Bad News
« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2014, 11:13:41 PM »
I understand the fear, but try not to let it take hold of you. I could give you a long list of things I've had that I thought were brain tumor symptoms. When I first started getting panic attacks, I was at my desk and suddenly felt like I was about to pass out. I really freaked and thought for sure it was a brain tumor. I've had other symptoms too, feeling like I couldn't swallow, eye stuff, etc. But it's been years and I'm still fine! Incidentally, my mom had an issue once where she was driving and suddenly her vision went completely blurry. Had to pull over and stuff. Obviously they were concerned about something in the brain but the scan was fine. Was likely just stress, etc. My wife has had things shoot across her vision (she describes them as something like comets passing by in her eye) but she's fine too. And she doesn't even deal with anxiety at all. Point being, our bodies can do weird things on their own. Add in stress and anxiety, and there's no telling what a body might do. Hang in there - I'm confident your results will be good and you'll be happy and relieved!
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Offline selfdiagnose

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Re: Good News and Bad News
« Reply #5 on: January 14, 2014, 11:32:50 PM »
You're right. I know this might sound stupid, but hearing your strength helps give me strength.
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"It's called the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it." -George Carlin

Offline emily1994

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Re: Good News and Bad News
« Reply #6 on: January 14, 2014, 11:35:38 PM »
I know what you are going through.  I went through it in November with my brain tumor scare. Waiting for the mri was awful. Tomorrow I am getting an mri of my cervical spine and I just know I have a tumor. So I understand how scared you are. I feel the exact way you described. Like today is my last day not knowing I will die soon. I'll keep you in my thoughts.
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Offline selfdiagnose

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Re: Good News and Bad News
« Reply #7 on: January 15, 2014, 12:27:20 AM »
And you in mine, Emily
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"It's called the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it." -George Carlin

Offline Dje

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Re: Good News and Bad News
« Reply #8 on: January 15, 2014, 01:01:22 AM »
When I was 26 I woke up with a horrible headache, like fingers pressing really hard into my temples. After 3 days I went to my GP. Two weeks later he referred me to a neurologist. I was petrified. Sick to my stomach, laid in bed all day, couldn't really eat, all the while thinking the worst...brain tumor, cancer, aneurism, blood clot. It was bad.

All the tests came back negative. I got some relief that they couldn't find anything physically wrong, but the headache persisted. As time passed I experienced horrible stress, anxiety, depression, thinking I was going to have to live my life in pain. 

After 6 months I started to take back some control, eating healthier, getting out of the house, taking walks, thinking positive. I kept telling myself that I would get better, that I would be pain free, and be able to do the things I love.

I kept this mindset through the holidays and new year and decided to get back into fishing in March. Being outdoors fishing became my therapy. After 13 months the headache went away.

While that year was one of the hardest of my life I am so thankful that it wasn't what I feared. I came to realize how powerful the mind is, both in creating physical pain and in it's ability to heal.

Well wishes on your tests. I hope you heal.
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