Over the past few months, I have noticed some changes in my over all physical health. Some mornings after waking up from sleep, I would feel so dizzy, and some mornings I would feel normal. I would shrug it off because being a 19 year old (now 20), I had other things to worry about. In the final week of November, I began to notice that my sleeping was beginning to get a little weird. I would sleep, but wake up feeling like I had been awake the whole time. As time went by, it slowly got worse. One night, I found myself trying to fall asleep, only to be awakened every time by my heart pumping rapidly. After struggling for about 2 hours, I finally slept at around 3 am. While I am able to sleep, I awake up in the mornings, feeling more tired than the previous day. People notice it on my face, especially at work. I just feel like I don't get enough rest. I used to be able to take naps during the day, but when I try now, I can't even sleep for 5 minutes and I used to take 2 hour naps. My eye sight is slowly getting worse, I am starting to see blurry, and I see lights after looking at things that are bright and what not. It's funny to me. My family is known for being able to stay up until dawn, and despite that, I took pride in the fact that if I tried, I would be the first one knocked out. It makes me feel so nostalgic, I feel like crying but, I can't even cry anymore. I just feel so convinced I have Sporadic Fatal Insomnia. This isn't like all the other things I ever worried about in my life. I can't just sleep and hope that it will all go away the next day like with all my other problems, because sleeping is the difficulty. I find that death isn't what I am afraid of at all. If death is inevitable, then let it come. I don't care about that. I just feel like I....I had so many things left to do. I want to accomplish many things. I have dreams that so many may find completely stupid or simplistic, but to me they are my dreams. I am afraid of not being able to do that. I am afraid of not being able to be there for my family. Not being in their lives anymore, not being able to share the laughs that we could have had. Not being able to see my niece and nephew grow up. Not being able to see my mom and dad care for the grandchildren I could have gave them. Not being able to see my brother become the artist he wants to become, or have my sister give me the advice she always gives me as I would have grown older. It just feels so helpless. I don't want to be missing in the lives of all the people that I have impacted. I feel like that would be so selfish. To just leave their lives like that. But what choice is there when death is eminent? Sometimes, when I am out and I see people that have a disability, I pray so hard to God, that if it were possible, that person and I could switch bodies, yet I could keep my conditions, so that person could be happy. They could make better use of what I can't. I know that sounds so stupid but it feels like I am just a waste. I mask all my emotion when hanging out with my friends, because I am known to be a cheerful person, one that can make you laugh even if you are down. If I do have this extremely rare disease, so be God's will, I will gladly die and give back to the earth that birthed me. If anyone bothered to read all of this, I thank you for taking some of your valuable time and reading my little emotional spill. I hope that whatever illness afflicts you, you can over come it and let it become a story you can tell your loved ones in the future. That you can look back at it, and laugh about it with a smile. Once again thanks, and God Bless.