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Author Topic: When someone is wrong about me, I can't let it go  (Read 356 times)

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Offline AltoidsAndTabloids

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When someone is wrong about me, I can't let it go
« on: January 12, 2014, 04:59:12 PM »
Hello all. This one might be a little hard for me to explain, but I'll do my best.

As someone with general anxiety, I tend to get lost in my own thoughts and obsess over situations that I have no control over. One particularly daunting issue arises when someone thinks something about me that is incorrect. For example:

I know a lot about computers. It isn't exactly something that I feel the need to broadcast to the world, but it's something that I'm proud of. Let's say I'm at a party one night with some friends, and the topic of computers comes up. Maybe someone makes an off-hand comment like, "well none of us know about them anyway," but for some reason I don't speak up to say that I do. I start to think, "I want to let them know that I AM good with computers," though by the time I can think of anything to say, the topic has moved on. (This didn't happen to me. I'm just using it as a general example). So in other words, I'm left in a situation where I can no longer naturally correct them, and I have to live with the fact that they have the wrong idea about me.

For days, weeks, months, I will be EXTREMELY bothered by this, and I won't be able to stop thinking about it. Any time I go to use a computer it will remind me of that conversation and how there are a few guys out there who don't think I'm computer-literate. This might lead to me avoiding computers as much as I can, just so I can stop being bothered by the thoughts. I know how ridiculous this sounds, but sadly this is no exaggeration. While this particular situation is made up, it happens in very similar situations. It can be as significant as people thinking I don't have a girlfriend or as petty as people thinking I don't like peas. I simply cannot stop obsessing over it, and the ONLY way to stop the endless cycle is to somehow let the people know they are wrong.

I understand that people don't think about me nearly as much as I imagine, and I really just need to let this stuff go, but this seems to be hardwired into my brain. I've been going to therapists for years, and while it has definitely helped, I think I need to make friends with people who feel the same way to really start healing.

I don't want to depend on correcting people in these situations to make myself feel better again. I want to just be able to let it go and move on, no matter what. I envy those who have the whole, "meh, let them think what they want to think" attitude, but I have absolutely no idea how they can pull that off.

So...anyone else out there like this? Is anyone else's life put on hold when someone has the wrong idea of you in any way?
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"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like."
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: When someone is wrong about me, I can't let it go
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2014, 06:49:15 AM »
If we are to use the computer as an example. They didn't assume the wrong idea about you. You simply didn't say anything at all. So you are expecting them to know all about you. Maybe they have no real idea of your skills. So the problem is not theirs. They just made a comment. You heard it and said nothing at all. That comment was not about you. It was about a computer. I think your problem is not joining in with conversations. I have skills in the same area. But people are aware of it. Not by my telling them. I help one person out. That one person tells another person. So others begin to find out. It is not like me bragging. It is more word of mouth. In the perfect world people would be able to read our minds and know everything about us. But we don't live in such a world. There is nothing wrong with sharing a little bit about ourselves with trusted friends. Then others might hear more about us too.
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Offline AltoidsAndTabloids

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Re: When someone is wrong about me, I can't let it go
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2014, 09:09:05 AM »
Thanks for your response, Cuchculan.

Perhaps the example I used wasn't really the best. While sometimes I do have issues with joining in on conversation, this wasn't really the issue I meant to get across.

Let me modify it a bit. Let's say during said conversation, someone asks me a computer-related question, and for whatever reason I answer poorly. Then I hear someone say "ah so he doesn't know about them either", but before I have a chance to redeem myself the topic moves on, after which point everything I mentioned in the first post applies.

The resulting frustration/paranoia/obsession occurs whether it's something I said or it's something I didn't say (of course it's worse if it's regarding something I said). I know that everyone makes mistakes or fails to speak up at times, but I believe my main issue is how I handle it after the fact.

I think what most people would do in the situation above, is be frustrated for a little while, but ultimately forget about it until the topic of computers comes up again with those same people. The difference with me is that I CAN'T forget about it until I somehow set things straight. In this particular example, if I don't get a chance to let that person know that I am indeed good with computers for 5 months, I will be deeply affected for all 5 of those months, and it will be all that I think about when I use a computer.
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"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like."
-Lao Tzu

 

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