Depression is a monster. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I can relate to how you feel, as I'm sure many others here can too. I've been where you are now many times over the years, certainly the last two years which were no picnic. I felt lower and more hopeless than I ever thought I could possibly feel, but, slowly I'm pulling myself back up, no doubt in my mind it is because of med's, which I accept I will probably be on for life which I'm ok with. I'm not sure which med's you have been on (myself, I have been on many) it takes time for them to work, which can be so frustrating, and in my case made me feel even more hopeless when they didn't work. I'm not the greatest with advice, especially with depression which is strange as I know it all to well! I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, and despite how awful you feel at the moment there is always hope, don't ever give up on that. You can find your way out of the darkness, and back into the light to a happy life that you deserve.Stay strong and keep fighting hard.