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Author Topic: My father-in-law passed away over the weekend.  (Read 202 times)

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Offline Rainbowapplefizz

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My father-in-law passed away over the weekend.
« on: January 08, 2014, 08:40:38 PM »
Hi everyone! I'm sorry that one of the first posts I've made on here has to do with something so crummy, but I didn't know where to turn. My father-in-law has suffered from dementia for the last 4 or 5 years, and for the past year or so, he'd been in a nursing home. His memory deteriorated pretty quickly, and my husband would go see him every couple of weeks. We noticed he had lost a substantial amount of weight, and towards the end, he got sick with bronchitis and then his whole body started shutting down. I only went with my husband to visit him twice while he had been in the nursing home, and each time, I left in pieces. This past Friday, I was going to go to visit him with my husband but for some reason, I didn't (figuring that we could go together the following day). Most of his immediate family was up at the nursing home that Friday, and then we got the call very early on Saturday morning that he passed away. I was upset, but today, it really hit me. Not only do I feel sad that he's gone and sad for my husband, but I feel terrible that I didn't go to see him more. My father-in-law was a better dad to me than my own father, and I don't know why I kept avoiding going to see him. I feel so guilty. The last time I went with my husband to see him, he was not having a good day. He didn't even recognize me, and he just had that blank look in his eyes. I hate myself for not taking more time to see him. Is this a normal feeling? The last time I lost someone so close to me, it was my grandma when I was 18, but we spent a lot of time together, so I didn't feel guilty, just sad. My husband's in the shower, and I'm sitting here in tears because I feel so much regret. What can I do to get over this?
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Offline Cilantro

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Re: My father-in-law passed away over the weekend.
« Reply #1 on: January 09, 2014, 04:31:47 PM »
I think it's understandable to feel the way you do. I remember it was hard to see my grandmother when she was dying because of how different she was from the grandmother I'd known since I was a baby. I also saw how much it hurt my father to be losing his mother after grandpa passed away, and I didn't know how to react to something that I logically knew would happen someday but that wasn't an emotional reality.

Grief takes time. Let it work itself out.
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