So my phobia with having a medical staff member check my blood pressure has turned into a phobia of stepping into the building. The cause of my anxiety is: they don't understand my anxiety. They will pop in to check my blood pressure, ill worry that its gonna shoot up dramatically high. Ill worry about their reaction because i know they dont understand. I fight my thoughts and fears even though i try not to. As a result my bp shoots up. Then they 'ha' and 'hem' over how high it is.
Yesterday i fought getting myself worked up. I imagined inhaling soft pink and soft blue colored clouds and exhaling black. I breathed. The first take was actually pretty good. 130/110. The sys is usually WAY higher than that. Anyway they kept taking it to get a better reading and naturally it went up higher and hogher. I wanted to leave, but i didnt. I explained to dr riano, who is a very kind and personable doctor that the issue was anxiety and that im not afraid of her or of treatment, but it's the checking of blood pressure and that i know its silly, but that's what it is. Of course she's a dentist not a paychiatrist, so despite my explanation, she tried to assure me that the treatment was simple and i wouldnt feel a thing.
Ive generally stopped feeling anxious every day. This whole issue started when i was displaced and under a lot of stress 4 years ago. I had a major panic attack that lasted less than a minute. I didnt know what it was and it took me a year to figure out that's what had happened to me. No doctor ever said that's what it was. I researched on my own. Afterward i had general anxiety and physical symptoms every day. I read books and talked to a psychiatrist for a short time and figured out how to help myself. The physical symptoms of anxiety that i had when this first became an issue have gone away, because i know what they are. Claire weekes' book has done wonders. It's just this one thing i really want to go away. I just want to feel numb. Id really rather not feel anything. Im tired and i want it to go away!!!