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Author Topic: Any advice would really help  (Read 206 times)

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Offline bbwire

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Any advice would really help
« on: January 07, 2014, 12:52:52 PM »
Alright so I really need help with this major setback that I've had and I can't get over it! So I've decided to just let it all out on how it happened, first off I've been dealing with anxiety since I had my first anxiety attack last January and ever since then I developed this huge fear of going crazy or having schizophrenia anything like that, I've done so much researched and googled so much I know everything about it and it's like it's imbedded in me I know all of the symptoms so it's like I'm constantly questioning everything. Well over the summer I started to get over the fear with advice I took and not letting myself be scared of it and from July till October I didn't have the fear I thought I was almost anxiety freee, but that is when I had the major setback!


It started in October, I was watching this horror movie and I seen a guy kill someone and he didn't care at all about it and then I got the thought "could I do that" and that scared me so much! I dwelled on this for like a week and then I started to question myself like "do I actually think I could hurt someone" and whenever I did that it became so hard to answer it's like I didn't know what I thought?! But I read about violent intrusive thoughts and I got over that fear but I've always had the fear of having psychosis anything like that, but then one night I went to lay down I got a thought "what if someone going through my stuff" that freaked me totally out and then I told myself that's ridiculous and went to bed but when I woke up in the morning it was back again and just like the violent thought I started to question it too I would ask myself "do I actually think someone going through my stuff" and then it would just make me doubt myself so much and it would become so abstract that I didn't know what I thought about it again! So I started to fear that I was having delusions and made me so upset and since I know everything about schizophrenia it's like my imagination creates all these delusional thoughts to test myself to see if I actually believe this crap and of course I always ask myself "do you actually believe it" and it always becomes so hard to answer! I went to a psychologist and she said I just suffer from ocd and I'm having obsessions and that made me feel better, then I seen online someone had the same fear as me and thought that everyone was against them and then that scared me so I started to ask myself "Do I actually think everyone is against me" and I don't know what to think of it! Do you know what I mean I've read all these threads about if I was actually delusional I wouldn't know it or like delusional ppl do not question their beliefs but it doesn't help! I'm always questioning myself! So are these just intrusive thoughts is that what they do? I really need your guys advice and reassurance I just need to get through this fear!
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Offline ericdrobertson

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Re: Any advice would really help
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2014, 01:30:27 PM »
My story is very very similar to yours. I've even had those same intrusive thoughts about murder and my beliefs. My first bit of advice would be go and tell a doctor and or psychiatrist about your symptoms . They will be able to help you and give you coping strategies. Second, while fearing whether or not I was gonna lose it, I came to the conclusion that if I was gonna go crazy I would have already done it. Psychosis and schizophrenia are very progressive and rapid and you wouldn't have had that period of calm.  A year ago I thought that I would surely be in a mental institution by now but guess what? I'm doing great and living life . Get some medical help and counseling. And share your struggles with people you trust. You're gonna be fine .
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Offline ana271288

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Re: Any advice would really help
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2014, 05:46:19 PM »
Hi, i also had those intrusive thoughts, not about death, but besides thats, it was the same thing i was to afraid of sleep and even to eat  because of that terrible compulsions, no matter whatbibtried to do, those thoughtsnwere part of my life, it was the worst sensation , and i had at that time 9 years old, but dont worry i got better  when i started the medication and my psychoterapy, now, i ocasionally have some anxiety attacks butnits almost nothing, u will get better, :)
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Offline bbwire

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Re: Any advice would really help
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2014, 09:26:39 PM »
So you guys are saying you have had the same kind of intrusive thoughts as me? It's just so hard cause it's like my anxiety convinces me that there true kinda you know what I mean? It makes them just so abstract and scary
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Offline ana271288

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Re: Any advice would really help
« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2014, 10:59:27 PM »
They r so freaking scary, it was so hard for me to convice myself that they were not true, i was like: if i fall sleep i might not awake in the morning or if i eat i will throw up and i will get more sick, or i know for sure that something or someone is trying to hurt me, it was the worst period of time for me, i dont know, i felt that nobody was available to understand that i was truly obsessed with those toughts, right know im all better but it was a struggle, so i can understand u my friend it sucks but also if u get tje right treatment u can improve
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Offline Chilly

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Re: Any advice would really help
« Reply #5 on: January 08, 2014, 03:16:46 AM »
My thoughts are just like yours, to the point that I could have written your post for you, right down to a bad panic attack in January 2013, which kicked off the worst year of my life. The constant thoughts of harming myself/others, becoming some deranged lunatic. Becoming something truly evil. I have struggled with the thoughts everyday for the past several months. It seems like even when I'm able to tell myself that I am not a violent person, I immediately start to worry that I will become a violent person. I fear that I will lose sight of my moral code, lose sense of myself and I fear that I will start to enjoy the ideas. I begin to feel unreal like I'm not in my own body. Then on the days where it seems like I'm not as anxious about the thoughts, that scares me even more! and so the cycle starts all over again.
It's a rough road, I know. Are you taking any meds? or better yet, still seeing a therapist? These things have been helpful to me so far. I've been taking Celexa for about 2 months now, and seeing a therapist for about a month. The meds take the edge off of the fear and weekly therapy has helped me gain some insight and perspective. I'm not "cured" yet, but I can say that I am without a doubt better than a month ago. I can be around scissors without feeling a jolt of terror, for instance. It's a process.
Have you been able to talk about this with any close friends or family? In my experience, I have found that my family has been extremely supportive and even the closer friends I have told have been extremely supportive. It helps to have someone to talk to. Pain shared is pain divided!
Hang in there! We share this form of anxiety with a LOT of other people. It sometimes seems like we are alone, but it is not the truth. This is far more common than most people realize. We are not our thoughts, and those of us who suffer from these intrusive thoughts are not violent by nature. That's why it causes us to feel this way.
I wish you the best of luck!
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