As I write this, I'm in a deep depression. I've had 2 visits to the ER in the last few months because my heart was racing ALL day from a hangover, although I've had 3 of these episodes total. All three times, my heart rate eventually decreased below 100 but it took hours (12-15 hours) for that to happen. I quit drinking because of it. I was never an alcoholic but I have only gotten this from drinking too much. Now I'm convinced that I've done permanent damage to my heart and therefore I have an abnormal heart rhythm or heart disease. I have a lot of guilt from this. I've had multiple physicals, 3 EKGs, a stress EKG test and a chest x-ray and nothing showed up abnormal. My blood pressure has always been in the excellent range as well. My doctor told me there's no need to given me an echocardiogram. I've had blood work done a few times during the last year and everything was solid. I've been tested twice for 8 different STDs with early HIV detection too (I worried about that as well) and everything was negative. I saw my doctor a few days ago and he checked me out again and said there's nothing to worry about. This doctor is well respected and saved my dad's life from prostate cancer and his own heart issues (my Dad's 62).
I also woke up today, feeling extremely tired and weak (even though I got 8 hours of sleep) with dehydration, dry mouth and dry eyes. Now I'm worried that I may have cancer for some reason (maybe from all the drinking episodes). I have no appetite, I'm bloated, my bowels are very loose, and I feel like I've lost weight in the last day or so. My heart feels like it's not strong enough. These terrible feelings spread from my shoulders down to the tip of my toes.
I have come across this feeling before but more-so when I was on Prozac and it made my anxiety way worse. I DON'T want to go down that horrible path again.
I feel like I'm going crazy and that my thoughts spin around in circles with no end in sight. I feel doomed and that I'm going to die. I have to go back to work tomorrow (I'm a first year teacher who just moved out in August of last year). I hope I can do this. Maybe it's anticipatory anxiety? It just feels like more than that, unless that's my anxiety talking.
I'm so depressed and worried! I'm not sure what to do. I feel no motivation to do anything, even for work. My heart rate is actually slow today for once and I'm not sure why, which also worries me (I have the tendency to check my pulse a lot). I worry that I'll have alcoholic cardiomyopathy or a heart arrhythmia and I'm not showing any symptoms yet or that I have cancer from alcohol.
For the record, I'm a soon-to-be 24-year-old male, 5'9", 148-150 lbs and exercise quite regularly (lifting weights to put on the weight I've lost since July 2013).
Help! Advice! Encouragement!