Hi there, I am new to the forum and would like to know what type of anxiety or depression I have?
About 6 years ago I had my first panic attack, I remember taking my blood pressure, up until then it was always in normal ranges, this time however it was a bit elevated, worried I took another reading, this time it was even higher, I started to sweat and my heart began racing. I called out to my wife to rush me to hospital as I thought I may be having a heart attack and be dying. Prior to this episode my thoughts had increasingly been about death and my mortality until the thoughts consumed 99% of my day.
When I got to the hospital they did an ECG and found everything to be in normal ranges. I was sent home. My second attack happened while driving home from work, I remember running and immediately went for the blood pressure machine, my BP was elevated and with every reading the higher it got. My wife took me to hospital again. This time the doctor asked what my symptoms were and asked if I had tingling sensations in my hand and I confirmed that. He then told me I had a panic attack and I should seek out the help of a psychologist. I did this and had a few sessions, she also referred me to a psychiatrist that put me on (SRI's) think it is called that. I was on quite a lot of different medication. I visited the psychologist for 6 months and the psychiatrist for a year. After that I took myself off the meds. While this was happening I still went to see a cardiologist and other specialists who could find nothing wrong but they did do an angiogram and found a slight narrowing of my artery. The specialist recommended that I should be put on Ecotrin and Liptor for life even though my cholestrol was not high.
Fast forward to last year, my thoughts of death was still present but not to the extent as it was when I had my attacks and I knew how to control my breathing because of the techniques I learned via the psychologist. I was never good with keeping money and could and still cannot say no if someone asks me for anything and I have it suffice to say I found myself deep in financial trouble so I decided to quit work to get my severance package so that I could make the phone calls stop. I paid up most of my debt and helped out family members giving them "loans", paid up my mothers vehicle and bought a car for my in-laws. I quit in April 2013 and thought I would find employment quite quickly, this did not happen. My also does not work so we decided to take what is left of our money to open up our own food business, we have been open just over 3 months and the money well has run dry.
I now find myself with body pains all over but mostly on the left side of my body. I search the internet constantly for a diagnosis for the aches and pains. If I find a diagnosis I will find a new ache then search again. My latest pain is a burning sensation on my right thigh, so I searched for that and found a diagnosis which was "Meralgia Paraesthetica". At least I knew what that was, now I started having stabbing pains in the chest area and my back and having been searching for a diagnosis. Last night I did not sleep and was holding my chest waiting for a heart attack to happen and it never did. I know my anxiety/stress is directly related to the situation I find myself in. The pains in my chest have moved to my jaw region as I am typing this and I hope it is just psychological because I red that pain in the jaw is one of the signs of a heart attack.
I apologise for non-consistent story line of the above story but that is just how I am all over the place. If my wife asks what is wrong I tend to snap at her and tell her nothing is wrong even though I am in pain but I don't want her to worry.
Apologies also for mentioning my financial situation but it has a direct bearing on my story
I would just like to go 1 hour/day/week without having this negative thoughts in my head