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Author Topic: Obsessing about death, mine and others  (Read 1223 times)

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Offline aec711

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Re: Obsessing about death, mine and others
« Reply #15 on: January 24, 2014, 10:18:11 PM »
I have the exact same thoughts my whole life ( I am 32).  I am always convinced of the same things you are.  Do you have kids?  I have noticed mine is so much worse now that I have them (3 and 1).  I always think everything is a sign that one of us is going to die.  I was dropping my son off at preschool and we were in the car and he said "mom, I just love you so much - you are my best friend".  And we say that stuff a lot, but I thought it was for sure a sign that this would be the last time I see him because some crazy person is going to come in the school and shoot people.  But I have tons of thoughts like that a day.  And when I type it out it looks so ridiculous.  I am so tired of feeling this way.  Uggg!!  I feel like I am wasting the life I was giving dwelling on miserable thoughts all the time.  Stupid brain!
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Obsessing about death, mine and others
« Reply #16 on: January 26, 2014, 08:09:52 AM »
Well, the good thing about the brain is that it can be trained and retrained. Make friends with your brain and you are on your way to better mind/body health.

You might want to explore CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) with a therapist or on your own (web research, books). You want to try and project confidence and strength for your children. In the Medications and Therapy section (upper part) there are some links re CBT as well as self help books that might be of interest.
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Online BeeDot

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Re: Obsessing about death, mine and others
« Reply #17 on: January 27, 2014, 05:34:33 PM »
Aec711, No I don't have kids, but that's not the first time I've heard someone say that this often happens when you do have kids.  First of all, that is a very sweet thing for your son to say: )  But if I had been in an anxious mindset, I totally would have thought it was a sign of something bad coming too!  I used to leave my mom notes for her to find after I'd left for University or summer camp or some such activity.  Then I started being afraid to do that because I thought it would turn into something she would find after I died....I'm very dramatic: )

Tinam, I want to think cBT works.  I just haven't had any success with it.  I think part of my problem is that I feel like if I shut down those thoughts, I will miss the "signs" telling me when I'm going to die....which I don't want to see in the first place....my mind makes no sense.
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For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe.  -Author Unknown

Offline Billy33

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Re: Obsessing about death, mine and others
« Reply #18 on: January 28, 2014, 02:24:20 AM »
I do the fortune teller thing as well. When I was young, my father would start fights with my mom for seemingly no reason. Some days I would be riding the bus home from school and I'd get a sinking feeling that a fight was going to happen. More than once I was right and I started to think I could predict the future!!! Then whenever something felt odd or I would experience a strange sensation, I thought for sure that I was dying. That would (and still does) lead to panic attacks. I am currently doing the cbt sessions and I want to believe in them as well but I just don't know.
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Offline tinam7

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Re: Obsessing about death, mine and others
« Reply #19 on: January 28, 2014, 08:32:45 AM »
Our brain can be our worst enemy, but also our good friend. It needs to be educated. Is education ever easy? No usually. It is reading, thinking, writing, focussing, paying attention, assimilating, recalling. It is effort and work.

Does learning happen overnight? Not generally. Will our brain become our friend with CBT overnight? Not likely. But with CBT there is the potential. We become so busy trying to win our brain as our friend, there is no time or energy to waste on the Grim Reaper.
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Online BeeDot

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Re: Obsessing about death, mine and others
« Reply #20 on: January 28, 2014, 11:00:06 PM »
Billy, I am always sorry to hear of people dealing with the things I deal with, but at the same time there is a sense of relief as well.  Just knowing that the thoughts, feelings, and sensations I have are not unique to me has a very calming effect.   I always figure if someone else thinks this way too then there is nothing weird or special about me, and no, I cannot predict the future: ) 

Tinam, you're right.  Learning does take lots of effort.  I think I hold myself back in a lot of ways and I'm not quite sure why I keep up that kind of self-sabotaging behaviour.....worth investigating I suppose!
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For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe.  -Author Unknown

Offline tinam7

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Re: Obsessing about death, mine and others
« Reply #21 on: January 29, 2014, 08:28:32 AM »
Have an abstract which includes parts of The Tibetan Book of the Dead. Fascinating in the views toward dying, the differences between East and West. We consider it some sort of failure. We are unprepared, un-accepting, unrealistic.

There are tragic deaths, to be sure. But the vast majority are ordinary progressions of the ordinary cycle of beginnings and endings. What ever continues into perpetuity? Not even our sun. It will eventually (billions of years) run out of energy.
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Offline aec711

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Re: Obsessing about death, mine and others
« Reply #22 on: January 31, 2014, 11:05:04 PM »
It does feel good to hear of other people having these thoughts - but of course you would never wish this on your worst enemy.  My dad has panic attacks, OCD etc.. same as myself.  When he was in his 20's he was almost killed in a car accident.  Couldn't walk for over a year etc... He said he would do that over and over again if the panic, OCD would stop.  He said that this is so much worse than his accident. I almost believe it.  It consumes our lives and causes us not to enjoy the moments that are given to us and it breaks my heart. 

Just another funny one.... a few days ago my dog was following me everywhere, cuddling up to me , wouldn't leave me alone etc... which is kind of weird for her.  I decided that she was sensing I was going to die soon or I am very sick (ie cancer) because I know animals can sense that stuff lol.  My husband goes "Great, now you have the dog involved in your conspiracies."  I mean, it sounds so ridiculous but my mind believes every minute of it. Uggg....
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Online BeeDot

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Re: Obsessing about death, mine and others
« Reply #23 on: February 01, 2014, 11:54:17 AM »
Hahaha I have been there with my dogs.  We've had dogs all while I was growing up, but (Thankfully) I didn't start getting freaked out by them until after I'd moved out.  So, now I only have to put up with it when I visit my parents.  However, I really want a dog someday and don't want to always be scared of them.

If it makes you feel better, I think dogs can sense when we are upset or hurting.  Both times I've had surgery, my dog has cuddled me.  Perhaps your dog is picking up on a heightened level of your anxiety and is trying to comfort  you: )
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For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe.  -Author Unknown

Offline aec711

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Re: Obsessing about death, mine and others
« Reply #24 on: February 01, 2014, 11:34:52 PM »
Oh I like that idea.  See, there is always another way to look at things...sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else - Thanks :)
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