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Author Topic: need to rant  (Read 249 times)

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Offline leenalou

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need to rant
« on: January 04, 2014, 12:54:10 AM »
my best friend (or who i thought was my best friend) lives next door we have been friends for about 14yrs or so
she is aware of my anxiety and panic attacks and all my struggles
she has been there for me in some situations and sooner or later the favour has always been returned
my problem is she is now really selfish and has pushed me away and i dont feel i can turn to her anymore which upsets me and makes me more anxious
as she just tells me to pull myself together and stop letting things bother me
but no matter what im going through at the time she expects me to do things and be there for her
i had surgery on tuesday under general anasthetic and now my panic attacks are back
but she thinks i should still go and sit with her and listen to her problems when her other half is at work no matter how bad i feel
if i dont then im the worst person in the world
she critisizes everything we do in regards to family life and my kids
i seriously feel like she is destroying me as a person
she hasnt got kids cant have them and when mine were born she helped with them but then took over as though they were her kids and i was just an onlooker.
ive felt like the last 9-10 years my life has revolved around her and her needs i was like a slave i ironed, mopped her floors, did her hair, slept over when her o/h was on night shift done absoloutly everything for her and neglected my own family in the process ive lost a lot of family members through this an loss of contact due to the fact she told me time and again they were no good for me and just used me
i slowly came to the realization that in fact its she who has been using me and she that is contibuting to my anxieties as i have a fear of upsetting people and people disliking me in general so i started to distance myself from her and stop doing things for her.
i still see her and we have coffee together but she is not the same its like if im talking to her she is just going through the motions and not really intrested which makes me feel worse.
sorry for such a long and drawn out post just needed to get it out

there is lots of other stuff been left out to shorten the post so sorry if it doesnt make sense
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: need to rant
« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2014, 06:29:48 AM »
Time for you to make one of life's choices. Do you want her in your life on her terms? Because it doesn't seem like she wants to be there on your terms. She will never understand the whole anxiety thing. No matter how much she says she might. You have to go through it to fully understand it. So she is an outsider looking in. Maybe it was good at first for her. Helping you out. But her true colours came to light and she was fed up and let it be known with her words. Now you have to make your mind up. If she is bringing you down and making you feel much worse I would either limit how often I see her or I would just stop dropping in. The last thing we need to be around are others who bring us down. Try to make up with your family members too. Family are always important. It will be a tough call to make. But she seems to be getting under your skin. No actually helping you out at all.
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Offline leenalou

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Re: need to rant
« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2014, 01:56:25 PM »
hi cuch thanks for replying
what you say makes so much sense and i know in my head she is no good for me i think because i never had any attention or anything growing up then i cling to any i now get good or bad, im not a confident person and my self esteem is rock bottom i think ive got some serious thinking to do, im slowly building bridges with my family so hope that continues.

thanks again
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Offline onegirlandherlittledog

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Re: need to rant
« Reply #3 on: January 10, 2014, 04:14:25 PM »
leenalou I think I do the same thing as you and due to having no one really in my life growing up I have to hang on to those I do have.  I had a huge fight with my boyfriend a week or so ago and we nearly split up and he said the only reason I keep him around is because I'm too afraid to be alone and can't handle being by myself.  I brushed it off at the time but I think that maybe there was more than just a grain of truth in that about hating the thought of being alone so I think I understand why you keep people around even when they are no good because I'm sure I do the same thing
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