my best friend (or who i thought was my best friend) lives next door we have been friends for about 14yrs or so
she is aware of my anxiety and panic attacks and all my struggles
she has been there for me in some situations and sooner or later the favour has always been returned
my problem is she is now really selfish and has pushed me away and i dont feel i can turn to her anymore which upsets me and makes me more anxious
as she just tells me to pull myself together and stop letting things bother me
but no matter what im going through at the time she expects me to do things and be there for her
i had surgery on tuesday under general anasthetic and now my panic attacks are back
but she thinks i should still go and sit with her and listen to her problems when her other half is at work no matter how bad i feel
if i dont then im the worst person in the world
she critisizes everything we do in regards to family life and my kids
i seriously feel like she is destroying me as a person
she hasnt got kids cant have them and when mine were born she helped with them but then took over as though they were her kids and i was just an onlooker.
ive felt like the last 9-10 years my life has revolved around her and her needs i was like a slave i ironed, mopped her floors, did her hair, slept over when her o/h was on night shift done absoloutly everything for her and neglected my own family in the process ive lost a lot of family members through this an loss of contact due to the fact she told me time and again they were no good for me and just used me
i slowly came to the realization that in fact its she who has been using me and she that is contibuting to my anxieties as i have a fear of upsetting people and people disliking me in general so i started to distance myself from her and stop doing things for her.
i still see her and we have coffee together but she is not the same its like if im talking to her she is just going through the motions and not really intrested which makes me feel worse.
sorry for such a long and drawn out post just needed to get it out
there is lots of other stuff been left out to shorten the post so sorry if it doesnt make sense