This whole HA thing is really screwing my life up and I wish it would just go away. I'm afraid that it wont because I have screwed up by googling every disease known to man, and now I know the symptoms of everything. So, for the rest of my life I am going to be freaked out by every ache and pain that I have.
Also, I keep wondering if maybe something really is wrong with me and it isn't HA at all. What if I blow something off thinking "eh, it's just your HA" and then things get so bad that it is too late to do anything about it. I really enjoy this forum, it actually does help me, but then I thought what if I really do get diagnosed with something, there's no way I would come back here and talk about it because it would just freak everyone else out.
I really hate this. I try to go through a day without thinking about having cancer, but the fact that I have a swollen lymph node under my arm that wont go away keeps me from really enjoying anything and moving on. I hate that they said it was "benign looking" on the ultrasound. I know I am going to end up getting a biopsy, which will only lead to more anxiety. And then what do I do if they say it is cancer? I am not emotionally equipped to handle something like that. My anxiety would kill me before the cancer would.
This is so frustrating.