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Author Topic: Do people get annoyed by your anxiety  (Read 458 times)

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Offline hasenfuss22

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Do people get annoyed by your anxiety
« on: January 02, 2014, 11:06:32 PM »
I have been hanging out with a neighbor next door. She is a single women like me around my age. I have the tendency to open up to people which is great if that person has empathy and is not judgmental.
We have started talking a lot about dating ( since I am newly single) and I guess I talked about it too much. I was heart broken a few times since I develop crushes easily. Since I though she was my friend I told her about that. She already told me that I worry to much. Lately I was going through another stressfull time because I just had surgery from a brain tumor ( at least not cancer). I was stressing about it a lot because it was not sure if it was cancer but doctors didn't think it was and it wasn't. My neighbor was very supportive by taking me to grocery stores after surgery ( since I couldn't drive, she was also giving me a blanket as a welcome home gift and brought some cookies over and even invited me and my daughter over for Pizza ). I always thanked her for it and I thought that I would invite her to dinner somewhere after recovering a bit and drive again. I was very down lately because of my dating experience and than the brain tumor. On top I have an anxiety disorder and I have a hard time hiding it sometimes from people. Today I got several text messages that I am talking to much about my problems and that she feels like a counselor and I should do something about my anxiety. She also feels unappreciated by me. I know I could't return any favors yet. I responded to her that's to bad that you feel so annoyed by me and if I m bothering her with my problems than we don't have to hang out. After critizing me some more over text I finally critized her back. I texted that she often talks too much and she seem to be very critical of people ( she does complain about other people a lot) and it was only a matter of time that she becomes annoyed by me. This of course made her very angry. She was dishing it out to me but can't take any critizing back. I just wanted to make
a point that we all not perfect and even she had some annoying traits. I didn't expect her to give me gifts and invite me over for dinner. This was very nice but now she tries to make me feel guilty for it. She also has very different views about dating and probably looks down on my relationships. She is very conservative and prude ( I didn't tell her that of course).
When I was scared about  my brain tumor I always have to hear " don't worry, this worry doesn't help you". 
She lives next door which means I will keep running into her and I don't know what to say. Of course this conversation was all over text so she doesn't have to look me in the eye. She kept telling me a few times that I am so anxious and worried all the time. I texted she really doesn't have to hang out with me if she is so annoyed. I texted her my anxiety is my weakness and I know that. I really feel judged by her because of my anxiety. Has anybody experienced that with people ? How do you deal with people who are annoyed by your anxiety ? I wish she wouldn't be my next door neighbor. If she would live somewhere else I just wouldn't communicate with her anymore. We both live in a condo complex which is even closer than living on two different properties with houses. I felt judged by her for a while but didn't say anything.
I had the surgery 2 weeks ago and feel still tired and I possibly will go blind in one eye from the tumor. I was really sad about reading these texts this morning. I don't expect that people feel sorry for me but for me it's probably a bit harder to deal with these issues because of the anxiety. How do you hide your anxiety from other people and pretend you are always happy and nothing worries you ever ? I really feel that people looking down on people A LOT with anxiety and also with depression. Seems like we are weaklings for the rest of society.
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Offline shanlee80

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Re: Do people get annoyed by your anxiety
« Reply #1 on: January 03, 2014, 12:05:05 AM »
I am so sorry you are dealing with that. The truth is, unless someone has been through the type of anxiety we go through, they just don't get it. I have been frustrated many times because of friends who just blow me off when I need them the most during an attack. Hang in there honey.
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Offline hasenfuss22

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Re: Do people get annoyed by your anxiety
« Reply #2 on: January 03, 2014, 12:14:12 AM »
Thanks for your reply. How should I react to my neighbor when I will run into her which I will since she is living next to me.
This is frustrating because I really haven;t done anything bad to her. She just is annoyed by my anxiety. I mean if she would be living with me I could see this be a real problem but if she is so annoyed why was she asking me to hang out with me ? She might have felt obligated because I am living alone and just came from the hospital from surgery ? Now she feels used by me ? I didn't ask her to give me a blanket, invite me for dinner or take me grocery shopping. These are all very kind things but I don't get it why she makes me feel guilty now.
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Offline shanlee80

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Re: Do people get annoyed by your anxiety
« Reply #3 on: January 03, 2014, 02:22:12 AM »
Tell her that you are sorry that she feels unappreciated and that you did not intentionally mean to make her feel that way. Ask her if she would like to learn about anxiety disorder one day. And then be sure to tell her how appreciative you are that she was there for you during your difficult time.
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Offline Gomubukai

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Re: Do people get annoyed by your anxiety
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2014, 06:45:03 AM »
It might be worth inviting her over for a nice dinner to clear the air and tell her you think that you've misunderstood each other and that you were doing through personal problems which were always at the front of your mind (understandably!) but that if she thinks you're focussing on your health too much you give her permission to gently let you know?

It seems like she would be a really empathic friend if you guys could make it over this hurdle. But it would help if she understood your situation a little bit more. Even if after the dinner you still decide not to hang out as much at least you won't be avoiding each other.

You could even just come clean and say you have health anxiety and being diagnosed with a real health threat was an enormous pressure and it might take a while for your system to relax again.

Your surgery was only two weeks ago. You're definitely allowed to still be thinking about it!
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