My first post...

[Missjay1977]

Hi.  This is my first post.  I guess I've been a "lurker".  I have had ocd, anxiety, depression and panic since 1st grade, maybe before that.  I was diagnosed with hypochondria when I was 19 and I am 30 now and so sick of living this nightmare.  Of course, like most of us who suffer HA, I can look at one little spot on my body and if it doesn't look right within 10 minutes I have hiv, skin cancer, asian flu, you name it, I've had it.  I've self diagnosed myself with hundreds of fatal diseases in my lifetime.  I'm sure I've had them all.  The thing thats strange is that sometimes, when my anxiety is low, and my meds are doing their job and my therapist is good, my HA is almost (almost) just a memory.  Then there are times like these.  The times right now, where I call off school or work to stay home and lie in bed and cry, convinced I have a fatal disease and I am going to die and leave my beautiful children behind without a mother.  *agony*.   That is where I'm at right now.  I'm so scared all the time.  I guess I just need a little reassurance that I can get thru it again this time.  I hope I came to the right place.  Thank you for listening.

[sda]

You are in the right place!  You will find a lot of encouragement and great advice here!  I too suffer from HA and am currently getting 'better'.  Atleast sometimes...   Welcome!   

[Missjay1977]

Thank you sda!  Wow, that was fast!  I have a wonderful husband who supports me fully but he just doesn't understand how it feels to live this way.  One time he had shingles and didn't even go to the doctor for a week because he thought he just scratched himself at work!!!   LOL....if that was me...omg...it would be the end of ALL worlds.  I am so obsessing right now about my yearly appt at the gyno tomorrow, and the bloodwork she is going to take because currently I am in an hiv freakout.  My husband and I are monogamous but it's been a long time since I had one and I am so scared.  My husband had one last year and it was neg (his doc wanted him to get it because he had warts on his legs) and I didn't even think about it until the last few months I was CONVINCED that I had MS.  You know, the usual, pins, needles, numbness, clumsiness, dizziness, etc...well all of my neuro tests came out clear but one day I googled some symptoms ( I know, for people like us google is the devil) and it said hiv can cause neurological symptoms....hence the begining of my current freak out.  Ugh....

[sda]

One time he had shingles and didn't even go to the doctor for a week because he thought he just scratched himself at work!!!   LOL....if that was me...omg...it would be the end of ALL worlds.  I am so obsessing right now about my yearly appt at the gyno tomorrow, and the bloodwork she is going to take because currently I am in an hiv freakout.

I know exactly what you mean....my husband wouldn't have gone to the doctor either and if it were me, I would completely FREAK! 

I didn't even think about it until the last few months I was CONVINCED that I had MS.  You know, the usual, pins, needles, numbness, clumsiness, dizziness, etc...well all of my neuro tests came out clear but one day I googled some symptoms ( I know, for people like us google is the devil) and it said hiv can cause neurological symptoms....hence the begining of my current freak out.  Ugh.... traurig001

Well, you will feel right at home here...many fear MS and I have read some who feared HIV.  I too was worried about MS (still am to a point).  Even though I have had 2 MRI's that came back clean, I still worry.  It is nice to have people to talk to that share in your fears.  My husband/family are really supportive too, but they are getting a little frustrated with me that I won't move on.  You are right, Google is the worst thing we can do!  I try to stay away now.  I will ask someone on here before I google anything.  A lot of people on here complain of the same things, pins, needless, numbness, clumsiness, dizziness and much much more!!  You are actually doing better than some of us!    

How long have you and your husband been married?  I too worried about HIV for a very very short period of time a couple of years ago.  I read something somewhere that really upset me and of course that started me thinking all kinds of things.  I have worried about other things besides MS, but it seems to be the one that I always go back to.  I don't know...I guess I am just CRAZY!    

[Missjay1977]

MS is such a scary thing because it's symptoms are so varied and can be so vauge and can fit into so many different situations.  It's so scary.  My husband and I have been married a year but were together 1and a half before that (monogamous).  There are a couple of questionable situations before happened before we were together that I worry about from years ago.  The thought of it makes me sick.  The thoughts, the worry, the anxiety.  My whole thought process has become so diluded from my HA.  My daughter has an ear infection.  She has a swollen lymph node on one side thats been there for a week.  I took her to the doc and she's been on antibiotics for a week, she has 3 days left.  The lymphnode had gone down about 1/2 of what it was before the meds and I have consulted with her pediatrician 3x and about 6 nurses at work (I work in the medical field) and the all assure me that that sort of thing is completly normal with a child.  But my sick mind takes me to...omg, I had it when I was pregnant and I didn't know and now she has it and we're all going to be sick....etc.  My whole weekend last weekend was just, lay on the couch and cry (my girls were at their dads for the weekend).  To top that off, i have bronchitis and pluerisy (which people with lupus get) and it's really painful, so I'm thinking something must really be wrong with me to be so sick too.  I know I sound insane the way I'm rambling.  I just don't know what else to do.  THank you for listening.