Reading your post hits close to home it's really how I feel too, I sometimes say in my head "I'd rather not be here than go through this" I have such crippling issues I spend lots of days in my
Bed, just know you're not alone it can be worse and there's other people out there going through it too even worse and they still fight through each day because it's worth it, the day you feel great you'll enjoy life more than anyone could possibly imagine. I hope and pray one day both of us will be happy. Just know you're not alone. We will get through this.