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Author Topic: Out of Control  (Read 219 times)

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Offline JenMarie279

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Out of Control
« on: January 02, 2014, 01:36:23 AM »
So, it is the first day of 2014 and I have already screwed up.  I woke up with anxiety and spent a large part of the day googling symptoms, something I told myself that I wasn't going to do.  Go me!

I am convinced that I have some type of cancer, although I am not sure which one.  I am seriously driving myself, and my husband, crazy.  My HA has been so bad lately that I dream about having cancer and before I even fully wake up in the morning, it is on my mind.  It is literally the first and last thing that I think of each day.  I hate doctors and I hate tests.  Waiting on results sends me into full blown panic where I can't eat, sleep, and all I do is cry and imagine having to say good-bye to my beloved children and husband.

I know there is no point to this, I just needed to vent.  This has got to get better.  I cannot live like this.
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Offline Walking Circles

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Re: Out of Control
« Reply #1 on: January 02, 2014, 03:03:32 AM »
I know how you feel, when I am at my worst my HA is the first thing on my mind in the morning and I even dream about it. Heck I will even notice whatever condition I am worried about on TV or the radio. It does get better, just takes time and a willingness to try and cope with it. You might try meditation and exercise both of these help keep me somewhat level. I still have days and sometimes even weeks, tha are rough but it does get better. 
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Offline JenMarie279

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Re: Out of Control
« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2014, 03:12:49 AM »
Thanks.  I really need to put serious effort into getting this under control.  I haven't had a worry free day in over 2 months.
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Offline Gomubukai

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Re: Out of Control
« Reply #3 on: January 02, 2014, 05:14:23 AM »
Hey

I know exactly what you mean as well. It's really the worst when anxiety takes over... :(

Something I've been trying and seems successful on varying degrees depending on my anxiety is picking something - a hobby, a website you enjoy reading (that's not health related!), a game you like etc. 

In my case I've picked a musical instrument I've always wanted to learn.

If my anxiety starts trying to take my attention - I instead try to focus my attention on my goal of learning my instrument. Instead of googling or even coming on here for reassurance. I either google things to help me prove my playing, actually play if I'm not at work or look through the scrapbook type thing I've made full of theory to help me improve.

I'm not sure if it will work. But I'm hoping eventually when I get the first anxious thought, my brain will automatically make the connection with music and focus on that instead.

With the added benefit of channelling all that wasted energy into seething productive.

I've got a little diary that I use anyway so I've marked a month in there. Every day I manage to divert my thoughts at least once to music instead. I give myself a tick at the end of the day.

Hopefully it becomes easier as I calm down more and more. :p

Just a suggestion but its nice to see all those ticks  proving your thoughts CAN change :)
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Offline Gomubukai

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Re: Out of Control
« Reply #4 on: January 02, 2014, 05:26:07 AM »
I forgot to say...

The main thing which I'm learning gradually myself - is to go easy on yourself. :)

Most of us have years worth of dodgy or faulty thinking patterns that need to be changed and fixing them up isn't going to happen overnight.

That's why I'm focussing on improving my thoughts one month at a time. It seems more doable to have a short term goal rather than saying something like:

That's it. I will absolutely NOT think about this stuff anymore because its a waste of time and energy. :) (I tried that as well... It didn't work...)

It took years to develop the anxiety and it will probably take years to control it.

Be kind to yourself - I think we can all get there eventually. And imagine how strong we will be mentally by the time we do! :)
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Offline JenMarie279

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Re: Out of Control
« Reply #5 on: January 08, 2014, 10:58:29 PM »
Thank you for the responses :)
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