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Author Topic: Feel so vulnerable  (Read 396 times)

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Offline LostKeys

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Feel so vulnerable
« on: December 31, 2013, 11:18:28 PM »
Depressed Anxious and Vulnerable is how i feel right now..I dont know if anyone will read this but it may help to put it out somewhere.
I feel upset and just want to cry..is 45 minutes from the new year and I dont feel like i can be happy.
I am married and I dont think im capable of making my wife happy and it depresses me I feel so hopeless in our relationship..I dont want her to leave me.
I have been in a brainfog all day long and I just dont like the way I feel..I feel like I can just break down at any minute everything seems so hopeless im always worried about my health and my wife leaving me everything is so overwheling and I dont think there is a real reason but what goes on in my head.
Sometimes I just dont know what to do about anything in my life it all feels impossible..
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Online Cuchculan

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Re: Feel so vulnerable
« Reply #1 on: January 01, 2014, 05:40:35 AM »
I doubt your wife will leave you. I am sure she knows what you go through. Always let her know what is going on. So she doesn't feel left in the dark. As for yourself, maybe try keeping a journal. Write your thoughts down on paper. So you can read back over them. See where changes have to be made. Then slowly try and make a few small changes. Even if it is just going out to the front garden for a few minutes each day. Just to give you something to do. Because just sitting there is not going to solve anything at all. We need to try and get active in any small way at all. Find things to do to distract the mind. If you are not getting help I would begin to seek it out. Make 2014 your year for bouncing back.
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Offline LostKeys

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Re: Feel so vulnerable
« Reply #2 on: January 01, 2014, 10:16:36 PM »
Ty for the reply, I just always feel so worried to talk to her about my depression problems..somtimes i will say i just feel depressed and she will ask her about what and i give her the short version and no the more important details, im very open with her in alot more aspects of my other problems but the reasons i get depressed i cant express to her, well i feel that i cant. i feels very hard too..its more that i will have to think of and decode myself and i will take your advice on writing things down to try and figure the things out better.
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Offline BrookeAshley1

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Re: Feel so vulnerable
« Reply #3 on: January 02, 2014, 09:22:26 AM »
Sorry you are going through a rough time. Most of what you're feeling, I can completely relate to. I have felt vulnerable, depressed and lonely... and also felt like I will never be happy. It's hard to see light at the end of the tunnel when you're depressed. Does your wife support you when you go to her with your anxiety/depression? I think it's very important for couples to talk to each other about this because it can help immensely. Just know that you CAN be happy, even if right now it doesn't seem that way. Depression is really good at making us feel like we can't get better, but that's not true!
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Giving up is always an option, but it is never my choice.

Offline tinam7

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Re: Feel so vulnerable
« Reply #4 on: January 02, 2014, 11:56:52 AM »
Many of us have been (and still are) where you are. How we find relief or a way out can vary so much. Sometimes it takes meds and a professional to talk to. In GAD there is a new thread, Thinking Positives. I will quote the one from Buddha (nothing to do with religion):

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."

It is my belief that when we can like and love and be at one with ourself, we are much enriched to give to those in our life. 
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Offline howifeel

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Re: Feel so vulnerable
« Reply #5 on: January 02, 2014, 03:12:47 PM »
Welcome LostKeys,

Sounds like a classic case of depression, indeed. I am older (52), and have been in a marriage for 26 years. I can only tell you my limited perspective. I noticed over the several years that my wife has walked with me through depression, that, at first, we were a team and she was very helpful (It had a romance to it). That wore off, and she became irritated about me talking about my depression, because she did not have the means to help me. I finally discovered, for me, to not discuss it (I was always paranoid that she could tell when I was depressed, and insisted on 100 percent reassurance that I was not ruining her life). I finally hooked up with a local peer support group that is able to do what my wife cannot. She is happy because I am managing my problem myself without apologies. I found out from my group that there are a lot of repetitive trains of thought common to the illness. For a guy, attending group can feel humiliating. I do it for my wife's sake. If your wife is a helper type, it may work talking to her about it for a while, but for me there had to come a time where I had to stop talking about it, with her, and even a therapist. I needed my peers, like us here. However, face to face is better.
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Offline LynnC

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Re: Feel so vulnerable
« Reply #6 on: January 03, 2014, 08:34:16 PM »
Lostkeys it is so hard on both parties. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety (6 months now) and it has put me in such a vulnerable place. I'm terrified my husband will eventually get sick of waiting for me to get better and tired of hearing how I feel day after day. He lacks patience and is very frustrated with my illness and it makes me feel worse. I do what I can (medication, daily walks, support groups) but it's not an immediate fix. I feel I'm putting too much hope in medication but it's all I have left. I need it to save my marriage and children from a divorce. I feel as if I need to be "fake" in order to keep the peace at home and it's very hard when the one person you could use the support from the most isn't capable of giving it in the way you might need it. Although my husband is supportive he is more of a fix it mentality and doesn't get what depression is. Therapy and friends are now who I confide in the most to get me through this difficult time and hopefully it'll pass and we'll be stronger people when we feel better.
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Offline LostKeys

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Re: Feel so vulnerable
« Reply #7 on: January 03, 2014, 11:21:05 PM »
Thank you all for the replys.
My wife does understand me with my anxiety and depression, somtimes.
most of the time it seems she dont care at all and she has a new friend and it makes me more depressed, not that she has a new friend
but because she seems so happy being with her friend and i cannot make her that happy.
i know we spend a little more time together then her and her friend but not by much. i guess it just makes me feel like crap and it will make me
feel even more depressed, i just feel like i have so much love to offer but sometimes it dont seem like she wants it?
recently since i have joined here i have been trying to open myself up soooo much and try and be different then i was, closed up.
but it seems like it may be making things worse? i just feel so confused..it feels hard to even explain all of this
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