No I wouldn't chop your head off. I wouldn't be here if I was to looking for a fresh set of eyes.
In response to your question, I'm not sure if I understand. The reason I got mad is:
-financially irresponsible. : she can't hold down a job without getting fired for being late or mouthing off to her boss. So she is a stay at home mom. We came to the agreement that her contribution would be taking care of our son, keeping up on the daily housekeeping and making dinners.
Most of this rarely happens. Honestly I wouldn't care if she made dinner only once or twice a week and cleaned about the same, but she doesn't do it at all. Then she goes shopping a few times a week and spends way more than we can afford(consistently) and unapologetically
-takes no responsibility for her own mistakes: if ever there is consequences from her irresponsibility, such as being broke from her spending spree, instead of owning up to it and working together with me, she blames me for not making enough. It really sucks
-refuses to follow her counselors advice: everything he tells her gets tossed out the window. Her exact words are "he doesn't know what he is talking about". Or. "It's all your fault anyway"
-doesn't recognize how her behavior effects her family: fortunately I am there to step in for the kids, but her short temper and bitchiness has been turned to the kids. Although I cut it off immediately by stepping in and separating them from her, she still does it and feels no remorse. She will usually follow it up with telling me I'm a bad parent because I made her look bad by stopping her.
-treats me rather poorly when she doesn't have everything she wants: it is quite common for her to call me names, cut me down, tell me she hates me, despises me, I'm a terrible parent, I abandon her at home when I'm at work(I work 8-4 and come right home every day) etc. it is extremely hurtful when she is on these tears.
Now I understand that reading this, people will probably assume that she is all bad, but that's not true either. It's almost like a Jekyll and Hyde thing going on. Her nice side is so incredibly awesome. Unfortunately I never know which side I will be dealing with. It can change as quickly as 1 hour or as long as 4-6weeks. Unfortunately in the last year, it had been becoming more bad than good. Which is why I've been pulling my hair out.
Also, I do understand that loosing my cool isn't the best strategy, but honestly it comes to a point where I just can't take it anymore.
I hope that helps clear up your question. If not, feel free to ask more. And thank you for taking the time to help me kind of get this off my chest. I can't tell you guys how much this helps.
To give you an idea. My dream scenario for this would be for her to sort out her issues, follow through with the therapists advice and become the productive loving partner I met years ago. I don't expect perfection or want to have power. I want to be able to share my life with her and work together on everything.