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Author Topic: Looking for advice  (Read 542 times)

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Offline tinam7

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Re: Looking for advice
« Reply #15 on: February 09, 2014, 08:27:55 AM »
How do I control myself without going nuts about the current culture. The Love word is bandied about a great deal with little to no meaning behind it. It seems you have to correct what her upbringing failed to teach her. If she uses bad language just glare at her, say nothing. Catch the ring and keep it. Let her come crawling back for it. Learn about custody rights when there is no legal contract. Does you State recognize common law unions?

Do it all for your sweet, dear little boy. He did not ask to be born into misery. He just wants to be loved (in the true sense) and be allowed to grow and develop.
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Offline Kissa

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Re: Looking for advice
« Reply #16 on: February 09, 2014, 12:42:36 PM »
Ya know, the more I think about you and what is going on, the more I wonder if its *really* anxiety, or if its just being blamed on that. I know my anxiety can get bad enough that every time my husband says something I get annoyed as hell. But I don't know if anxiety can be bad enough that you turn into a Very Mean Nasty B!tch!

She may possibly have anxiety mixed with something else. I am hoping for the sanity of your little boy (I know he doesn't understand what's going on, but he feels it) that she continues to go see the therapist and follows their advise.

Please keep us updated! I'm sending supportive thoughts your way!
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Just because I understand an acknowledge what I am worrying about is silly, doesn't mean I'm able to stop worrying about it.
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Offline Confusedandsad

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Re: Looking for advice
« Reply #17 on: February 09, 2014, 03:25:47 PM »
Thank you very much for your help and the loan of your ear thus far.  For now the bitchiness has stopped so at least that's something.  Even though I know it won't be permanent, I'll take what I can get at the moment.  Her appointment is Wednesday so I will touch base afterwards and if anything goes on in between.

Honestly, before our son was born, this stuff never happened.  It started after he was born.  Her father also passed away during our pregnancy.  So I know she had a lot going on, but it's been almost two years.  Hopefully this therapist will be a big help and we can get back to being a happy family.  I yearn for that so much, and it really is heartbreaking. 

Anyway, thank you.  If any thoughts come to mind, I'll check back.  If not, I'll talk to you soon.
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Offline RedQ

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Re: Looking for advice
« Reply #18 on: February 11, 2014, 03:50:13 AM »
That was my first thought as well - this might be more than just anxiety - but if it started after your son's birth and her father's death, maybe it isn't a personality disorder or anything of that sort. I'm really glad she's seeing a therapist right now, that's all I can say. Hopefully if there are other issues in there, they'll come to light. Otherwise, it may just be that the combination of motherhood and the loss of a parent sent her over the edge.

It's been said before, I know, but I have to say it again: You've done an AMAZING job plowing through all of this so far. I have to say, my ex finally became too much for me with all her crazy, bitchy ways and I just gave up. I might be biased (having eventually backed out of a similar situation), but my first inclination is to tell you to make plans for being on your own.

I will definitely echo previous advice about looking into custody rights. My biggest concern is your son in this situation. If it were just you and her, I'd say just be done with her insanity right now. Love and compassion are all well and good, but there comes a point when you have to admit that you aren't going to be able to save her and you realize it's time for a little self care. Since you two do have a child though, that complicates things... so just keep your options open and do a LOT of research.

In the mean time, stay strong and remember that it's not you. Maybe sometimes you are doing things that justify her being upset, but overall this is definitely her issues spilling over on to you. Don't let that ever influence the way you see yourself, and please be careful not to let her beat you down into your own dark place.
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