As you can tell by the subject, I am new here.
I have social anxiety, and a somewhat generalized anxiety- as in, social situations absolutely kill me, and constantly I feel mildly anxious.
Sometimes out of nowhere I have panic attacks, a lot when I try to sleep. I am also diabetic, bipolar, depressed, and have sensory processing disorder, or CAPD (central auditory processing disorder), basically I hear things other people don't, or other people just don't notice or pay any attention to, but I do. I hear certain things and it physically causes me pain- I get nauseous and start sweating and become filled with rage. In the worst of moments I have to restrain myself from hurting the person, or have someone else help me. I wear noise canceling headphones the majority of the time.
I am only 21 years old, and I am getting very discouraged about life. Everyone I grew up with or friends that I use to have,
are all graduating college, or have a family, or a job. I have none of that. I've been stuck in community college for 4 years now,
still with no degree whatsoever. I take online classes, but often times they require campus visits and collaborative projects (BIG Problem there!)
and I have been forced to take some classes on campus.. which I typically fail, because I get too anxious and make myself sick, and just can't go.
Obviously I don't have a job, I don't even speak to anyone other than my immediate family(2people). I have pets, which help, a lot.. but I'm still
missing so much. I've always had such high hopes and dreams for my life and of course none of this was in my plans.. Lastly, and possibly the most
emotionally debilitating thing is that I am gay, and my girlfriend is the only person (from the outside world) that I have contact with. I'm pretty sure
she's a sociopath, but if not she's definitely manipulative and doesn't understand or care about any of my problems. She even goes so far as to say
that I'm faking everything..The audacity! Anyway, I have short hair, and wear guy clothes, which adds to the anxiety of going out in public or in
social situations because I frequently get called sir and I have no idea how to react to that, especially when with family.
Wow this was a pretty huge rant. I guess I just needed to vent a little, it's been pretty rough lately.
Maybe a blog would be better for me lol
Anyway, I'm hoping to meet some great people on here to chat with, and get some human interaction.
I have never known anyone that could relate with anything I've been going through, and I came here seeking that..
I know we all have anxiety, but we're here for a reason.. we all have the same problem.. we can help each other.
I look forward to getting to know you, yes you, the (probably) only one person who actually read half this. lol