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Author Topic: Someone please help  (Read 278 times)

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Offline bbwire

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Someone please help
« on: December 27, 2013, 01:38:55 PM »
Alright so I really need help with this major setback that I've had and I can't get over it! So I've decided to just let it all out on how it happened, first off I've been dealing with anxiety since I had my first anxiety attack last January and ever since then I developed this huge fear of going crazy or having schizophrenia anything like that, I've done so much researched and googled so much I know everything about it and it's like it's imbedded in me I know all of the symptoms so it's like I'm constantly questioning everything. Well over the summer I started to get over the fear with advice from you guys and not letting myself be scared of it and from July till October I didn't have the fear I thought I was almost anxiety freee, but that is when I had the major setback!

It started in October, I was watching this horror movie and I seen a guy kill someone and he didn't care at all about it and then I got the thought "could I do that" and that scared me so much! I dwelled on this for like a week and then I started to question myself like "do I actually think I could hurt someone" and whenever I did that it became so hard to answer it's like I didn't know what I thought?! But I read about violent intrusive thoughts and I got over that fear but I've always had the fear of having psychosis anything like that, but then one night I went to lay down I got a thought "what if someone going through my stuff" that freaked me totally out and then I told myself that's ridiculous and went to bed but when I woke up in the morning it was back again and just like the violent thought I started to question it too I would ask myself "do I actually think someone going through my stuff" and then it would just make me doubt myself so much and it would become so abstract that I didn't know what I thought about it again! So I started to fear that I was having delusions and made me so upset and since I know everything about schizophrenia it's like my imagination creates all these delusional thoughts to test myself to see if I actually believe this crap and of course I always ask myself "do you actually believe it" and it always becomes so hard to answer! Does anybody know what I'm talking about? Can anxiety make you question your beliefs and not know what you think? I've read all these threads about if I was actually delusional I wouldn't know it or like delusional ppl do not question their beliefs but it doesn't help! I'm always questioning myself! So are these just intrusive thoughts is that what they do? I really need your guys advice and reassurance I just need to get through this fear!
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Offline e77

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Re: Someone please help
« Reply #1 on: December 27, 2013, 02:18:59 PM »
Questioning yourself is extremely common with anxiety.  I get that too.  We do so much anxious introspection/ brooding in fear of what is going on in her heads that our minds react in this way.  We overthink things and end up scaring ourselves.  Our minds are fully capable of thinking of all kinds of things and it does not mean you are crazy. We just get a bit compulsive about it.  Take care
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Offline MobileChucko

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Re: Someone please help
« Reply #2 on: December 27, 2013, 02:25:05 PM »
Hi BB...  I am so sorry that you are in this terrible cycle of worry.  I know that you have posted this topic five or six times in just the last two weeks.  I think that the AnzietyZone site is wonderful.  People here can share their experience, strength, and hope with each other.  Lots of reassurance can be shared, but that is not a substitute for an active role of seeking professional help, and following through with that help.  I am seeing a psychiatrist.  The psychiatrist I'm seeing is in charge of my care, because they are a medical doctor that can provide me with a diagnosis, and prescribe medication.  I have been on a new medication, Citalopram/Celexa, for five weeks now, and it is really helping me.  I have also been scheduled to start CBT (therapy), in about four weeks.  There is a lot that I'm doing on my own, such as exercising everyday, meditating, eating healthier, and even socializing.  All of these things are helping me.  As always, the best to you, BB!...  Chuck
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Offline MMMA3410

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Re: Someone please help
« Reply #3 on: December 27, 2013, 02:28:22 PM »
I know exactly what you are going through. First, let me say that it is just your anxiety. Anxiety can make us believe anything. Like you, I have all these thoughts as well. I am constantly worrying if I am going to lose touch with reality, if I am going to start hearing voices, or if I am a psychopath and just don't know it yet. The fears consume my life. Even when I am doing better, I start questioning myself then start thinking if I am not worrying then I might actually go crazy and lose touch with reality. Though, my therapist keeps saying it is just my anxiety. I know it is tough to believe people because you probably feel that you are different and actually are going crazy, but you are not. Posting on this forum proves that. As far as fearing of developing schizophrenia (which I fear often), try to tell yourself that it is a hereditary trait. That no matter how much you worry you cannot worry yourself schizophrenic. Easier said than done I know. I really hope this helps you and lets you know you are not alone. If I am not going crazy then you are not either!! Possibly seeking a therapist and supplements or medication could help you. I definitely see a slight improvement from the combination. Also, avoiding all violent movies, TV shows and even the news helps a lot. I cannot watch violent/murder/horror movies and TV shows or I freak myself out. Something else I am trying is snapping a rubber band when the thoughts enter my mind to ground myself back. Good luck to you!!
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Offline bbwire

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Re: Someone please help
« Reply #4 on: December 27, 2013, 05:24:24 PM »
Thank you guys for all your responses and I know I've reported this a lot of times I'm just so scared I don't know what to do! Is this what anxiety does can it make you question your beliefs and make you doubt yourself till you don't know what you think? Like how do I convince myself I'm not delusional how do I know?   
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Offline e77

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Re: Someone please help
« Reply #5 on: December 27, 2013, 06:07:34 PM »
Yes, too much anxious introspection makes you question yourself. Delusional people really believe what they are thinking and don't question it.  To them its the truth and thats it.  You are very questioning of yourself and challenge these notions.  You are not delusional.   
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Offline doogle2

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Re: Someone please help
« Reply #6 on: December 27, 2013, 06:52:56 PM »
Hey bb,

This is how you know you are not delusional - you can watch your own thoughts and see them as weird, you can see that you are questioning your beliefs (IE: they are conflicted, nonsensical, all over the place) and you can see that you doubt them - this means that you still have the intelligence to know the difference. This means that underneath your anxiety you still have your sanity.

That's it - that's all you need to know - anything else your mind tries to tell you now is now just your anxiety feeding your anxiety and that is what is keeping you locked in a high state of duress. You have to break that loop by understanding that one point, because understanding that is all you really need.

All this damn questioning is doing is keeping you locked into anxiety - THAT is how anxiety works - just knowing that, understanding that is what will ultimately set you free, because once you grasp that point then you will stop doing it, stop torturing yourself, stop practicing voodoo on yourself, etc. and give your mind some peace instead.
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The human mind is inspired enough when it comes to inventing horrors; it is when it tries to invent a Heaven that it shows itself cloddish ~ Evelyn Waugh

Offline bbwire

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Re: Someone please help
« Reply #7 on: December 28, 2013, 12:35:48 PM »
How do I overcome these thoughts then? I've tried accepting them and then in like a week the thought popped back into my head and I was like "did I actually think that" and then the process was all lost! It's like my imagination will come up with one of these stupid delusional thoughts and now I question everything I'll think "I must test myself to see if I actually believe this stuff" and then it just becomes so abstract and I'll say no of course not! But then 5 min later the doubts will set back in and then I'll think it over and over!
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Offline MobileChucko

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Re: Someone please help
« Reply #8 on: December 28, 2013, 01:26:47 PM »
Hey BB...  If you fell down a flight of stairs and broke your leg, and the bone was actually sticking through the skin, you might worry as to what the outcome of your leg would be.  Regardless of your worry, you would still require assistance outside yourself to fix your leg.  In this case, a good orthopedic surgeon.  I think you have tried your best to work through current difficulties.  It is never a weakness to ask for help when one needs it.  I would highly suggest that you get on the phone on Monday, and make an appointment to see a psychiatrist and/or therapist.  These people are experts in their field, no different than the orthopedic surgeon.  They can provide you with a diagnosis and a treatment plan, and the reassurance that you are seeking.  As always, BB, the best to you!...  Chuck
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Offline doogle2

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Re: Someone please help
« Reply #9 on: December 28, 2013, 06:15:48 PM »
How do I overcome these thoughts then?

You don't - they can't be overcome - only forgotten about, dropped, let go of - just like you did in July to October. You see you are back fighting your thoughts, battling to overcome them, trying to quash them before they "get you", etc.

I get it, I've been there and I know you are in a shitty place at the moment but believe me all will be well if you can just remember how to let go and forget again like you did before. But if you are having trouble with that then it's pointless suffering for no reason - and Chuck's right, there's nothing wrong with seeking professional help, that is what they are there for after all. Think about it, if your car needed a tune-up where would you go, if your teeth needed a filling where would you go, to a professional right?.

So don't worry about seeking out expert advice - as it's the intelligent thing to do.

Try to just let it all go and not allow in the "I must test myself", etc. as testing yourself is doubting yourself and doubt is FEAR in disguise and the emotional part of us knows this, senses this and when it senses fear then it activates the amygdala, which triggers the fight or flight mechanism again, and when that happens then BAM!! your panicking and full of anxiety before you know it.

But if you can't let it go by yourself (which is hard - we all recognise that) then seek a professional who can and will show you how, as they've spent years learning.

All the best to you.   
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The human mind is inspired enough when it comes to inventing horrors; it is when it tries to invent a Heaven that it shows itself cloddish ~ Evelyn Waugh

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