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Author Topic: Intense fear of sex/intimacy?  (Read 480 times)

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Offline heyhihello

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Intense fear of sex/intimacy?
« on: December 22, 2013, 07:52:22 PM »
Hello! This is my first post :-)

Uhm I've been struggling with this for pretty much since I can remember. The thought of kissing/holding hands/sex/love with another man scares the absolute crap out of me. I'm a "straight" girl (and I put straight in quotations because I'm struggling with deciding if I'm asexual or not) who is 18 years young. It may seem young for a lot of people, but all of my friends have no problem when it comes to sex and boys, yet I can't even think about a boyfriend without having a panic attack.

I've Googled this many times, and I see that a lot of people have been raped or molested and as a result, have a fear of sex. With me, I can't remember if I have or not at all. One instance comes to mind, and it's one of those fleeting memories. I was maybe 6? 7? I went over a neighbor's house, and he was maybe 3-4 years older than me, and he locked his bedroom door and tried to get me to sit with him on his bed to touch each other. I ran before he laid his hands on me (I think) and the only emotion I remember having is fear of him touching me. Do you think that that would be so traumatic that I would want to be touched years later??

I don't mind hugs, and where I used to live, people kissed you on the cheek in greeting. So it's romantic stuff I hate.

Elementary school, I had lots of crushes, and when they liked me back I would freak out and say nope nope nope. Same with middle, and in high school it got worse. Kissing a guy terrified me, no matter how attracted to him I was. I've never had a boyfriend in my life because that terrifies me as well. I hate being called "hun" or "babe"

Uhm, I used to hate it when my parents locked their bedroom door or kissed. I would have panic attacks thinking they were having sex. If I knew they were, I'd sit for minutes banging on the door making up stories for them to come out and help me.

I just can't figure out at all why I would be so afraid of being close to a guy... I don't think I've ever been molested (but who knows, I have a habit of repressing memories). My stomach churns and I get this disgusted feeling, and all attraction that I have vanishes. I don't like it when guy return my feelings for them. Ugh I'm just so confused, and I'm sick of not knowing what is wrong with me and I'm sick of people thinking I'm a lesbian or weirdo because I've never kissed a guy or had sexual feelings for him.

Oh, and I'm like 99% sure I'm not a lesbian hahah. Girls freak me out as well.

Well that's all I can think of. I just need someone to point me in the right direction... 18 may be young, but if I haven't felt the need to sex it up or even KISS, there's gotta be something mentally  holding me back.

Thanks. (:
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Online Cuchculan

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Re: Intense fear of sex/intimacy?
« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2013, 06:06:37 AM »
Well we don't become as we are for no reason at all. We don't suddenly wake up and say ' I hate sex ' and get this massive fear of it. So that makes us look to the past. Nothing saying you were ever abused. Even the other kid trying to lock you in his bedroom might not have been the reason for your fear. It is a good start. The only thing you can remember from your childhood. So if you told that to a therapist they would pick up on it straight away. Typical therapist stuff. They look for reasons and any reason will do them. I am not sure if you were ever exposed to sex on TV. You know. Flicking about the TV. On comes a sex scene. The woman is making loud noises. To a kid's mind they could think the woman is in pain. That the man is hurting the woman. I can only guess too. As can anybody else. Interesting how you felt about your parents having sex. I am wondering what exactly you thought was going on in that room. Again coming back to the whole pain thing. Not fully understanding it. This would lead me to believe it was something you picked up on before this. To get this fear about your parents having sex. To want to stop them. I guess now you are older you have your own views on sex. If we were to base them on your past your present day views wouldn't be good at all. Because by now you have linked anxiety / panic with sex. This is one aspect of things you have to try and reverse. To see that sex is not a bad thing. That is not saying you have to run out and try it out. There is not set age that you have to have tried sex by. You have a lot to work on before that time comes. Therapy would be a good idea. To try and sort out your thoughts. To make sense of them. To break this cycle that links panic with sex. It will take time. But help from a trained expert is what you really need.
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Offline Gemmaa0207

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Re: Intense fear of sex/intimacy?
« Reply #2 on: January 03, 2014, 07:47:56 PM »
Mmm its hard to pinpoint why you have this fear. I remember hearing my mum and dad one night and I freaked out I don't know ehy? I felt sick that I was hearing my parents having sex I was about 11 so not too young? Every night for a few years I would tell my mum I don't have to worry tonight do I? It was abnormsl behaviour i also had ocd for a small period which was after a few family members died. I had a 'voice' in my head telling me I had to do something like turn my tv off or I would die?! Very scary for a childthink I was about 12 so around the same time. I never saw a therapist until recently for health anxiety I'm 21 now so its been10 years since all that but I did mentionit and he told me it migntof been trauma dealing with death in the family or just childhood anxiety? If u can relate maybe its something to do with more deep thoughts. I might be wrong but this instance of the boy next door pro,bs won't have anything to do with it. Especially u not been sure it even happened?not only that but what is the fear? Is it scared of sex hurting or scared the guy will hurt you agressively? Try adapt on it. I think its borneo to be anxious borderline scared for the first time its the unknown. I didny get interest in guys till I was 17 so that could be a big reason as u just ain't ready which is normsl.pm me if u want a chat. Gemma
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Offline heyhihello

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Re: Intense fear of sex/intimacy?
« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2014, 11:20:23 PM »
Thank you to the both of you for answering. I've thought long and hard about what could cause this, and perhaps it's the anxiety of it all, but I still can't help but shake the feeling of dread. I'd love to chat as well!
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Tags: sex intimacy phobia 
 

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