I have been prescribed 20mg of Citalopram after going to my doctor with numerous anxiety i guess feelings. I have since returned explaining that i am too afraid to take them, this might sound silly, i mean even to me at times it does, i go to my doctor for help, he offers me it and i physically cant bring myself to take it. . I guess i am afraid of the effect it will have on me, the feeling of losing control.
Pill phobia is quite common for those of us with anxiety disorders. I need to be hospitalized to start or switch antidepressants. But, unfortunately, antidepressants only work if you take them.
I suggest you ask your doctor to prescribe citalopram in 10mg tablets which you can quarter using a pill cutter available from most pharmacies/chemists (don't use a knife as it can be less accurate and often much bloodier). Starting on only 2.5mg is unlikely to cause you any side-effects, though you may experience some as the dose increases. Up the dose by 2.5mg every 10-14 days until you get to 20mg.
Citalopram seems to be the SSRI that causes the least startup problems for most people so there is a very good chance that you would do just fine at a higher starting dose (though 20mg is too higher), but it's better to start really low if necessary than not at all.
Can anyone shed any light on Citalopram how they make you feel etc
Hopefully, normal. Antidepressants don't actually have any direct anti anxiety (or anti depressive) affect. They work by encouraging the growth of new brain cells
in the hippocampal regions of the brain to replace those killed off by chronic stress hormone exposure. When they work well antidepressants generally don't greatly impact day to day life. You should be able to do whatever you normally do without hindrance.
BTW-most NHS Trusts offer online based therapy
for free. You need to get a prescription from your doctor to access it. However, as it takes time I do urge you to continue with the citalopram.