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Author Topic: going out to dinner with friends causes major problems - help!  (Read 205 times)

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Offline CazzNZ

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going out to dinner with friends causes major problems - help!
« on: December 21, 2013, 04:37:25 AM »
Hello

I am new on here and joined as I have been struggling with anxiety for a long time and I need to feel like I am not alone. Day-to-day I am ok, I  can go to work, look after ny kids etc and only have a few minor attacks. I am ok as long as everything is routine!

My biggest issue is when it is time to do something that should be fun such as going out with friends for a meal. Last night I went out with my friends to celebrate my birthday and i ended up in the loo half the night as I felt really sick to the point where I threw up and couldn't finish my meal or eat my cake. I just want to be 'normal' and enjoy going out. I was safe, I was with friends and yet I still couldn't handle it.

I also find it a struggle to plan to do anything after 4pm as I need to be home then so my night can follow the correct routine and this makes it very difficult to meet up with others as most don't finish work till 5pm.

I don't take meds and don't want to as I have in the past and they made me feel disconnected from the world and i have two small children and a hubby who works nights so I need to be alert.

Any help/suggestions? Do others go through this too??
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Online Cuchculan

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Re: going out to dinner with friends causes major problems - help!
« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2013, 05:58:09 AM »
I think you will find that many people with anxiety are set in their ways. Might do the same things each day. As in, have a limit. How far away from home they can go. What time they must eat dinner at. They can get stuck in this spiral. Step outside of what is normal to them and their problems begin. The only real way forward is to challenge yourself. Be it with small things. Outside of what you are used to doing. Mix the hours up a bit. Even by ten minutes to begin with. Then make it twenty minutes. Then thirty minutes and so on. Each time you try and step outside your box. Away from what your mind tells you that you have to do. It won't be easy at first. It never is. But the more you do this, the more you will get used to it. It is just a simple fact that we are set in our ways as far as times and places are concerned. We have these limits in our minds. It is these limits we have to try and brush to one side for a small amount of time daily until we expand on them. It can be done. You just have to believe in yourself.
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The Lovable Irish Rogue

Online MobileChucko

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Re: going out to dinner with friends causes major problems - help!
« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2013, 06:15:32 AM »
Hi Cazz...  You are not along.  I too suffer from anxiety and panic attacks.  Currently, going out with friends or family, to do something fun such as sharing a meal, is one of my triggers as well.  I am on a new anti-depressant, been on it for four weeks now.  But I understand being on medication is a personal choice, and not for everyone.  It is good that you have at least tried them in the past.  The end of January, I am scheduled to see a therapist, and begin cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).  Have you tried any form of therapy?  I have heard many good things about this form of therapy, and understand it is the standard for anxiety/panic attacks.  Until the time I can get involved in CBT, I am doing me best to step outside my comfort zone, even if it's just to run up to a local store.  I am meditating everyday, exercising daily, and even eating smaller, more frequent, healthier meals.  These practices are all helping me too.  The best to you, Cuzz!...  Chuck :holiday55:
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Online tinam7

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Re: going out to dinner with friends causes major problems - help!
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2013, 08:11:55 AM »
Beautiful posts with such good advice. What can I add? First, I am accepting of what keeps me in check and that surely is routine. Going out to dinner with others in the evening is not possible. I don't fight it and don't regret it. Maybe lunch is manageable.

Next, I can add that I have great belief in CBT. Have never experienced it formally but have learned it on my own with a variety of books, the TEA thought process, journaling, and assimilating some principles that apply to me. It requires time, effort, persistence. Daily exercise and daily meditation are part of it. Step one, it seems to me, is to understand the origins of our issues (still Freud for me) and then work to recondition our brain, psyche, emotions. We must also moderate our expectations. The process is, in fact, a stunning journey of discovery and potential for wellness.
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Offline CazzNZ

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Re: going out to dinner with friends causes major problems - help!
« Reply #4 on: December 22, 2013, 03:10:23 AM »
thanks all for your advice it makes me feel less alone. I have not tried therapy, i have not even spoken to my doctor about this for years but have decided that would be a good step as it is steadily getting worse. A lot of this has to do with the fact that I had a second child 8 months ago and am finding it a huge jump from one kid to two as well as working full time and having a husband who is currently working 6 days a week and usually 12 hours a day in the lead up to xmas.

My mum does not think anxiety is real but my Dad is currently suffering from it as well as depression and is heavily mediated for it and he is a zombie so ot sure i can talk to him either.

I like the idea of small steps - i am very set in my ways esp around the evening so will begin to try and change it.

I went out for lunch today and it was completely fine - i was with my dad, step mum and sister. Then went to my mums house for dinner (which i had done many times with no problems) and ended up throwing up in her loo having a panic attack. Reason why? Maybe cause dinner was later than i nornally have? or maybe cause my husband was meant to come and i could not wake him as he works nights and is use to sleeping during the day. I am not sure but this to me is a big sign things are getting much worse.

Do any of you have a person who makes you feel safe? Someone that no matter what you are doing if they are there you are fine?
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