I am new here, and hoping for some advice or just kind words.
I'm 34 years old and have an amazing husband, two children, and two step-children. I have always suffered from anxiety, but lately it has gotten much worse.
I had a beautiful little girl 3 months ago and I felt over the moon at first. Then I went to the dermatologist to get a mole removed. He saw a few other marks on my body and said they looked suspicious and removed them for biopsy. As he shaved them off, he said to the nurse "possible melanoma" and I instantly lost it. He had no bedside matter and said I would just have to wait a couple of weeks to find out. At that moment something just clicked and I instantly knew I was going to miss seeing my children grow up. I cried non-stop, couldn't eat, and made the mistake of searching endlessly on the internet. I became obsessed, even though I didn't know my results yet. Luckily, I got the call and they said everything was fine.
During that experience my mind went to places that it shouldn't have. I was angry and scared and faced my own mortality. My relief that my biopsy results were clear lasted a day. I started to notice every since pain, lump, and bump. In the past couple of months I have diagnosed myself with every possible cancer, stage 4, of course. I noticed that my breasts felt lumpy (which I know is normal) so I made an appointment, and although my doctor said they felt normal, she scheduled a mammogram for the day after Christmas. Great...another test.
This is ruining my life. Every morning when I wake up my thoughts are instantly that I am going to die. I can't enjoy anything. Everything makes me sad. Typically I love Christmas, and now all I can think is that this will be my last one. I got prescribed Zoloft, but stopped taking it because it made me feel horrible, only adding to my fears. My husband is understanding and supportive, but every time he says "You aren't sick. You're fine." I get angry.
I could honestly go on and on about this, but I guess this is long enough. Someone please give me some advice. Thanks!