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Author Topic: I'm so obsessed  (Read 322 times)

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Offline LivingLife

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I'm so obsessed
« on: December 19, 2013, 06:21:55 AM »
I'm so obsessed about the thoughts in my head, I'll have thoughts about "I don't want to be in my head any more, and no matter what I do I won't be able to escape" and these thoughts scare me a lot, and I'll have thoughts about checking into a mental institute, huge fear of depression, 0119, hopelessness, being hospitalized, not being able to sleep any more, not being able to function, and thoughts about how repeating these thoughts is only strengthening beliefs in them. Now I'm not medicated, and I live a good life, love my family, friends, myself. I don't think I'm depressed maybe a little bit. But the I constantly have these irrational thoughts none of which are actually true. I'm so attached to them like I base my days and events on how often I had one of these thoughts. If I go to the gym I think about okay I didn't ruminate too much today that's a good thing or vice versa. When I'm in a thought stream that is regular and not these crazy thoughts I'll quickly be like oh I haven't thought of "x thought" in a little bit and quickly the cycle begins. I'm starting to have trouble falling asleep because that's when I'm alone with my thoughts. I just had an emotional outburst with my dad and started crying which made me even more scared because I'm thinking that all these thoughts must be true. By no means am I actually suicidal though just to clear things up.

Another hugeeee obsession of mine is how to go about treating myself, my psychologists tells me to write all the thoughts down and to challenge each one of them, so I'll do that for a day or two, and then think about just accepting them i.e. meditation, but then I'll be like I shouldn't challenge these thoughts but purposely ruminate about them and accept the risk (ERP therapy) that way I detach the fear from it, but then I kinda cycle back to challenging because I'll tell myself that I'm just negatively affirming myself and I fear that it would make me worst. How should I go about these intrusive thoughts, I'm defintely going to start meditating especially now that I'm on winter break from school, but should I challenge these thoughts? I'm afraid I'm just giving them more power that way, or should I purposely think about them and accept that maybe thought x might happen so what. Ugh I'm torturing myself with these irrational thoughts that shouldn't mean any thing to me especially with how my life is. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Offline Cuchculan

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Re: I'm so obsessed
« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2013, 06:42:12 AM »
Try and break up the chain of events. Distraction. Distraction. Distraction. I do see the point of writing them down. That way you can look at them and ask yourself ' would I really do that '. That way you get to see just how irrational the thoughts really are. You seem to be inviting them to come on when they are not happening. Like they are part of you. That is adding fuel to the fire. Come the night I would suggest some soft music to take your mind off of yourself. To stop you focusing inwardly. Explore the thoughts and see they are not really part of you. Not things you would ever do as a rule. Just things that are popping into your head from time to time. The more you explore them and accept them as irrational the quicker they will go away. Have something in your pocket. Be it a dice or anything only you know you have. You feel your mind drifting take out the dice. Feel the touch of it. Focus on the dice. Thus stopping yourself thinking again. Can all be about finding that something that works for you.
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Offline SummerSun41

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Re: I'm so obsessed
« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2013, 10:36:23 PM »
I can definitely relate to ALL of your post! I have the same obsessions- fear of depression and you-know-what, fear of how it affects me, constantly monitoring my emotions/reactions to everything, etc. I'm having a kind of difficult time with it too because like you, I have no reason to be fearful of these things because I live an awesome life with a great family, friends, and boyfriend! I understand how frustrating it can be. I agree with the second commenter: distraction is a huge thing that helps me! I play games on my phone (I love Lumosity!) and read positive thinking articles. I also think it's important to stay busy. I know how hard it is though, trust me. All I want to do is chill out and read about anxiety in my comfy chair or bed, haha! But you can't. Force yourself to get out and active. Go to the mall, go to the bookstore, go to Starbucks and just people watch, go out for a drive and sing in the car, take a walk (if it's warm enough where you live), work out, etc... anything! When I'm busy hanging out with my friends or family, I feel great because I'm not constantly focused on ME. If you want to talk more or need someone to talk to when things get bad, feel free to message me!
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Offline LivingLife

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Re: I'm so obsessed
« Reply #3 on: December 20, 2013, 08:34:10 AM »
Yes!! I also constantly monitor my emotions, and yeah I've noticed we have literally the exact same problems. Like my life isn't perfect but I'm definitely satisfied and happy with it (except this mental stuff), I just got a 3.82 this semester and I'm trying to purposely think about the great work I put in this semester. And yes when I'm working, out with friends and family most of the time I feel perfectly fine, happy, and normal. But its when it's just me that I lose it at times. And I agree with you too all I want to do is just read up on intrusive thoughts, ocd, anxiety etc but I know if I want to truly "let it go" I got to learn to not care by doing normal things and occupy myself with hobbies and such. I'm on winter break right now from school and I work as a tutor for my school, so I literally having absolutely nothing to do for 5 weeks. I'm going to keep myself as busy as possible though by meditating twice a day, going to the gym twice a day, going out with friends, and teach myself cmp programming which is something I've always been interested in. I think you should look into mindfulness meditation, it'll teach people like us that there just thoughts, all thoughts are the same they don't mean anything, my psychologists calls out "farts of the brain."
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Offline tinam7

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Re: I'm so obsessed
« Reply #4 on: December 20, 2013, 09:13:25 AM »
The mysterious brain, psyche, consciousness, etc. Who can understand it? We remain, by and large, a huge mystery to ourself.

There are times when that deeply buried broken self in me wants to get the upper hand. Would have me jumping off bridges, etc. How else can it be done? Fear of heights. Won't happen. What still helps is an understanding where the broken self originated. Won't fight the crazy thoughts, the despair, but don't let that dominate either. Cuch's suggestion re distraction is powerful and helpful. Also love the gym, have free weights here and other small gym items. Fall for the infomercials and have been told nothing else can come in here, ha ha. There is Health Rider, stationary bike, Body Pro, Red, AbRocket, fit ball. A mini gym. Good Lord. They keep me somewhat sane. As do reading, thinking, journaling, posting here.

But I am also big into Yoga and Tai Chi and, as you know, meditation. Now some people need medication and there are mild medications that have been mentioned. That is for the professional.
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