My name is Kevin and I have GAD with Panic. I have been hospitalized twice with this illness in the past 2.5 years. The first hospitalization was for 10 days, the second time was 15 days. I was diagnosed with this illness in 2000 but I was well for many years. Unfortunately, in the past few years I have not been very well. This past year, I managed to somehow hold myself together and not end up in the hospital nor did I end up having to take sick leave from work.
Although I did not have to take sick leave from work, I struggled much of the past year to make it thru each work day. I admit, my productivity was not 100%, but I made it thru each day and accomplished some things to the best of my ability. Other times I suffered from lack of focus, forget-ability, unable to sit still, tiredness from not sleeping, pacing the floors, constant uneasy feelings, paranoia, etc. I'm sure most of you know the routine. Even though I was not well, to me, I at first I thought that this was a big accomplishment to make it through each day along with not winding up in hospital again. My doctor and counsellor says too that it is a big accomplishment. Now I am second guessing as to if it was an accomplishment or not.
The issue at hand that I question is my "below normal" work performance. My boss has been un-emphatic to my condition and has many times given me a hard time. She says it is either black or white...if you are at work, she expects 100% productivity otherwise you should not be there. My doctor, therapist and myself agree that it is better for me to be at work even though I'm not 100%. I don't expect to be coddled and babied at work because of my illness, but I do expect my boss to get off my back during the times my illness has the better of me.
I was told the other day that on my performance review that I will be given a poor performance rating by her for the past year. I'm not sure if this is fair. I agree, I don't think I should be given a glowing review, but somehow on the other end of the line, I feel it is wrong for her to do this. Just as I was making some headway with this whole thing, I feel like this is a set back. She also says she is putting me on a 'performance management plan' which is basically the last step before termination. I don't think this is correct either. Maybe I am wrong and deserve all of this?
As for my work, I am a Chemical Engineer with 14 years experience, 8 of them with my current employer. Before I got sick just over 2 years ago, I was an excellent employee with good reviews.
I would like to hear some opinions on my situation.