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Offline lolface123

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hocd
« on: December 17, 2013, 02:47:40 AM »
Hey, i was wondering about something... I started having some of the gay thoughts i have now, BEFORE the spike that kicked in HOCD, i mean like there was a teacher i thought looked kinda good who was a male, but there was kinda nothing more than that. and when i watched porn, i would sometimes see myself as the girl. it was when i first thought of all this i got that huuuge spike and since that ive been worring alot and shown all the symptoms of hocd. I should also mention ive been in love with so many girls but never guys.. but this hocd has almost made me forget how it feels...

Before this started i had a fear of getting a heart attack all the time, ive been takin EKG, i even got a free card for going to the doctor so much... ive also thought about what if the universe is just a made up place in my head and all the others are robots and bla bla. What worries me now is that for example performing oral sex on a man doesnt even seem to feel wrong anymore cause ive thought alot about it due to the anxiety, but it has never turned me on by only the thought of it. If i ask myself what I want to spend my life with, the answer is a female.. but im not even sure right now.. so confused... Im also very anxious when im with a guy alone and bla bla and sometimes i start to think "what if im in love with him" and that kinda stuff... all this freaks me out...
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Offline Leo99

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Re: hocd
« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2013, 09:07:09 AM »
Hi lolface123 and welcome to Anxiety Zone!
It's a good place to be, place of members sharing experience and supporting each other.

I have to apologize for not being able to offer you much of an insight since I never struggled with hocd. I would reccomend for you to take a look at similar topic (some are listed below your topic, when you open it) or use the 'search' button. Quite some topics exist on the subject.

You might also be interested in other sections of the forum. Please feel free to post or open new topics.
Once you'll make 3 meaningful posts, you can also join our chat room (for members over 18 only), which is always occupied.

I hope someone 'stops by' and shares the thoughts.
Wishing you all the best on your journey!
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From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
(E. A. Poe)

Offline math989

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Re: hocd
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2014, 10:58:44 PM »
This sounds way too similar to what I have experienced a few months ago and for a brief time now. I totally understand what you're going through and what it feels like. To be honest when it was really bad I almost felt like I should just go tell the world how gay of a person that I am. But as with all various forms of ocd and what not;thoughts are just thought and I realized that I was still heterosexual just like I was before. Furthermore, i completely understand what you mean by picturing yourself as the female and forgetting how it all feels. I don't know if you have this as well but I feel like I'm almost lying to myself whenever,and then i start to notice others of the same sex,but I digress. OK enough about me- you want to get better so ill tell you the sure fire way to improve. Before I start let me tell you that it's going to take hard work and dedication, but YOU WILL get better; whenever you feel like you won't, remember me as living proof. Anyway here we go (this is going to make spike) the way to get rid of this is to finally except that your gay, AND PROUD. Also to further prove that notion your going to have to wait stop view porn and "doing your thing" in the washroom. I know that this will hard but just give it few weeks,you'll feel better. Another thing to not fight back with your thoughts, so if your brain tells you that you're gay, then don't fight back either let the thought flow freely in your mind or here's the better method tell your brain that you're the gayest guy alive and no one can ever change that. I hope this helps you in your battle with Hocd. If your ever in need of someone to talk to then just send me a PM.
Good Luck
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