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Author Topic: Questioning everything really need advice  (Read 300 times)

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Offline bbwire

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Questioning everything really need advice
« on: December 16, 2013, 03:19:25 PM »
Alright so I really need help with this major setback that I've had and I can't get over it! So I've decided to just let it all out on how it happened, first off I've been dealing with anxiety since I had my first anxiety attack last January and ever since then I developed this huge fear of going crazy or having schizophrenia anything like that, I've done so much researched and googled so much I know everything about it and it's like it's imbedded in me I know all of the symptoms so it's like I'm constantly questioning everything. Well over the summer I started to get over the fear with advice from you guys and not letting myself be scared of it and from July till October I didn't have the fear I thought I was almost anxiety freee, but that is when I had the major setback!

It started in October, I was watching this horror movie and I seen a guy kill someone and he didn't care at all about it and then I got the thought "could I do that" and that scared me so much! I dwelled on this for like a week and then I started to question myself like "do I actually think I could hurt someone" and whenever I did that it became so hard to answer it's like I didn't know what I thought?! But I read about violent intrusive thoughts and I got over that fear but I've always had the fear of having psychosis anything like that, but then one night I went to lay down I got a thought "what if someone going through my stuff" that freaked me totally out and then I told myself that's ridiculous and went to bed but when I woke up in the morning it was back again and just like the violent thought I started to question it too I would ask myself "do I actually think someone going through my stuff" and then it would just make me doubt myself so much and it would become so abstract that I didn't know what I thought about it again! So I started to fear that I was having delusions and made me so upset and since I know everything about schizophrenia it's like my imagination creates all these delusional thoughts to test myself to see if I actually believe this crap and of course I always ask myself "do you actually believe it" and it always becomes so hard to answer! Does anybody know what I'm talking about? Can anxiety make you question your beliefs and not know what you think? I've read all these threads about if I was actually delusional I wouldn't know it or like delusional ppl do not question their beliefs but it doesn't help! I'm always questioning myself! So are these just intrusive thoughts is that what they do? I really need your guys advice and reassurance I just need to get through this fear!
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Offline MobileChucko

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Re: Questioning everything really need advice
« Reply #1 on: December 16, 2013, 05:56:15 PM »
Hey BB...  I am really sorry for what you are going through.  Sounds to my like you are in a very vicious cycle.  I really can't relate to exactly what you're going through because my problem with anxiety/panic attacks/depression, are down a different avenue, but I'm in a pretty bad cycle of my own.  I am seeing a psychiatrist, and just started a new anti-depressant some three weeks ago.  I am also scheduled to start CBT (therapy) in about a month.  I would really recommend that you seek out the assistance of a good mental heath professional.  A psychiatrist will be able to give you a diagnosis, and I think that will help to put your mind at ease, and get started with a treatment plan.  The best to you!...  Chuck
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Offline Starlys80

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Re: Questioning everything really need advice
« Reply #2 on: December 16, 2013, 08:14:28 PM »
Yes, these are absolutely intrusive thoughts. I am stuck in the same vicious cycle as you. I am withdrawing from an antidepressant that I have been on far too long and it never really helped. It has an awful WD and so, like you, I read all these horror stories and internalize them and I'm in a constant "What if??" and questioning everything. If I were you I would look into CBT therapy before meds. Meds caused all my problems in the first place. My anxiety was mild before going on Paxil and now trying to come off of it has caused it to go out of control. I wish I would have tried therapy first. I can assure you, you are NOT going crazy. I have that fear almost 24/7, but I know it is just anxiety. Everyone is right. Delusional people do not know they are delusional. Do you ever try meditation or anything like that?
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Offline bbwire

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Re: Questioning everything really need advice
« Reply #3 on: December 16, 2013, 09:30:47 PM »
I was on celexa but I never thought that it help and I quit taking it and then that was the period of time where I thought I didn't have this fear anymore and then it came back. So does intrusive thought also take the forum as like "do you actually think someone going through your stuff" or like "do you actually think your gay" or "do you actually think you could hurt someone" and then it becomes so hard to answer like the thought is abstract and you don't know what you think like you doubt yourself so much? I was just using those ones as examples but fearing that I'm delusional is my main fear right now it's like my imagination creates these thoughts to test to see if I am and then I question the thought and doubt myself so much!
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Offline Starlys80

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Re: Questioning everything really need advice
« Reply #4 on: December 17, 2013, 12:04:13 AM »
Yes, those sound like intrusive thoughts and obsessions. Have you ever seen a therapist? What you are going through sounds a bit like OCD. I've had OCD since I was a kid. It's often called "The Doubting Disease." You have fear that you could hurt someone, and even though the rational part of you says that is not true, another tiny part of you doubts this and that causes the fear to cycle over and over. CBT has been proven very effective for OCD and anxiety in general. You are definitely not delusional!
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